Dr. Wayne Dyer is a wonderful motivational speaker and writer that will inspire you to look at your life in a different way. This movie is free on YouTube and worth the watch. I also suggest his books. Currently I am listening to his audio book, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, Living the Wisdom of the Tao. His focus comes from living your life fully from a place of love. Enjoy!
With love & inspiration,
Stacy
Forget talking to your kids about Santa or the Easter Bunny. Lets talk about what really matters, the fact that being perfect is not real and the constant effort to get there is exhausting and futile. The other night I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and something she did made me cringe because I remember being that girl! The effort put forth to always look perfect by getting up early and applying her makeup so she would look flawless to her man. I remember going to bed with my makeup on in a similar effort. In the beginning we all try to put our “best face forward” but at what point do we take it too far? At what point do we sacrifice being true to ourselves and our relationship for the appearance of perfection?
Trying to create an image of perfection can be seen everywhere, especially with social media. People always posting the great vacations, new bodies from working out, those overly posed beach pictures in a bikini doing a meditative yoga pose or, the famous, overly filtered selfies. The need to create the image of effortless perfection seems to be important to so many. The truth is we all just want to be loved and accepted exactly the way we are but there is a catch to being to satisfied with where you are in life also. The truth is, there is always room for improvement in some area of life and we should all strive to learn and grow daily. However, to constantly learn and grow means taking risks and making mistakes and ultimately….accepting imperfection as reality.
I am not saying the first couple of months of dating a person you should allow them to see you at your worst just to see if they are really as in to you as they say they are…but it is probably better for them to see you at your worst and still accept you than to put out the constant effort of little miss perfect for months to just come down with the stomach flu and realize he is a superficial jerk. I have found that most men who are worth the time do not really expect or want perfection anyway. They want to see the silly side, hear the embarrassing stories and share in awful hangover moments when your fake eyelashes look more like windshield wipers the next morning. Isn’t the goal to be best friends with your forever person? So if you can’t laugh at yourself with them, then what the heck is the point of the relationship?
Take the pressure off, allow yourself to be human, vulnerable and don’t be afraid to own your mistakes and admit when things are hard. Accept others as they are, we are all unique and beautiful in our own way. Maybe perfection is much like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder; it doesn’t fit one exact standard set in a magazine or on television show. Maybe perfection does exist just like beauty and love….it can be found in all of us. So look for the love & beauty in all things this new year, and together maybe we can create something a little bit closer to perfect.
Stacy
As a woman who decided to complete my education in my late thirties and continue into a Masters program in my forties and plan to finish my doctorate before 50, I am a bit of a late bloomer. I graduated high school, pushed myself through junior college to get an associate degree out of the way (even though I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up), was married by 21, had a baby at 23 and divorced by 28. Needless to say, I felt pressure to be everything as quickly as possible and in the process I made some mistakes. In a nutshell, I felt this need to conform to societies expectations and timelines.
Being 40 when you graduate with a BA degree is kinda looked at like…’well yeah most people accomplish that in their twenties soooo…good job at finally catching up to the rest of the world with a degree you probably will not ever use’. I chose to complete my degree in psychology and continue on with my masters in mental health counseling and hope to move on to my doctorate. The consensus about psychology degrees seems to be that everyone loves the classes because they are interesting and a lot of people get the degree, but many just go on to get a job that does not relate to psychology at all. So, not only am I going back to school and going through this big career change later in life, but I am also faced with the idea that the path I have chose is looked at as a bit of a cake walk that won’t amount to much.
Not to mention the other timelines pushed on me….what, only one child? What? You got divorced 12 years ago and you never remarried? You have been dating a guy three years and you haven’t discussed marriage? You are going to end up alone with 17 cats, a degree you can’t use and one child that will never call home…end of story. Yes, all of these things have been said directly or joked about by both friends and family, even my parents. At what point do you just say fuck it! I am definitely not the normal girl and honestly, I don’t know that I want to be.
I have been a lot happier since I have started following my own timeline and stopped worrying about what everyone else thinks. I will admit, knowing there are many out there who may think that way makes me even more determined to prove those false narratives all wrong. By the way, who is to say that lady with 17 cats isn’t livin’ the dream? Live your life by your own timeline and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
With love to all the late bloomers in the world,
Stacy
I was told a story that left me a bit dumbfounded over the weekend. It really left me a bit scared wondering…are there a lot of men who really think this way? I was discussing a past vacation and words that were shared between two males who were discussing their relationships. One of the men stated that he felt it was only a matter of time before his relationship ended because he just was not satisfied. He went on to say his girlfriend was just “not hot enough” and he just wanted to earn a lot of money and have a hot, sexy young women on his arm. This couple eventually did break-up and the guy still often talks about how he misses her and what a great girl she is. I defended this guys reasons, (the reasons he told me anyway) but I realize now he was saying the nice, sugar coated and logical reasons that a reasonable person could support. Then when someone clues me in to the selfish and completely ugly truth of how he really felt I am now feeling shocked and disgusted.
This woman is sweet, funny, smart, well educated, successful, had a beautiful home and drove a nice car, she is beautiful, active and in great shape, she was honest and took care of him and you could tell she was really crazy about him. I thought about her and what she brought to that relationship versus what he brought to the relationship and it just left me feeling more disturbed. I can understand and be a bit more accepting if a twenty-something says I just wanna be rich and have a hot sexy young woman on my arm, but when you hit 50-years-old and you still think that way there is a problem. I understand that there is no shortage of grown men and women who are looking for superficial qualities like good looks, money, and a flashy car and that is all they care about. I just didn’t think it was so common that I would actually cross paths with one of these people. I am further disturbed by the fact that this guy seems so normal and was actually enjoyable to talk to and I would have never guessed that such a superficial asshole was lying just under the surface.
I wanted to make sense of his words by thinking…people say things they don’t really mean, especially groups of guys drinking and having fun without the ladies around. Maybe he just spouted off those words and doesn’t really feel that way when it really comes down to having a relationship. Surely everyone by his age understands that in order to have a truly loving and lasting relationship it has to go beyond money and looks right? Unfortunately, the truth is, our society markets young, hot. sexy women and rich, successful men as the ideal. Is there not some kind of logical, realistic balance in there somewhere?
I want to stay in shape and be healthy. I think having respect for myself and my relationship means taking care of myself, my kid, my career, my bills and constantly working on personal growth to bring more to the relationship. I feel that my significant other does the same. However, at the end of the day I want my man to know that if he gets some awful sickness and loses all his hair and needs help to the bathroom that I am going to 110% be there. I don’t think people who only think about money and sexiness will ever understand that kind of love and devotion and I feel sorry for them.
I often speak of the importance of relationships and what it means to truly love and accept someone. It amazes me the number of people who are over 50 who still do not understand. If you can take away only one thing in this life I would ask that you take a look at who you surround yourself with….are they all just beautiful on the outside or are they beautiful on the inside too?
With love (inside and out)
Stacy
Life Unlimited 