Mental Health

I believe we all have a certain degree of mental health issues.  Obviously some struggle more than others.  I would say that everyone hears voices in their head and initially you may want to argue with me, but let me explain.  Have you ever thought about a past conversation that may have frustrated or angered you?  Did you replay that conversation in your head and think about how you should have handled things differently or think of things you wish you would have said or not said?  These thoughts replaying a past event is like the brain on autopilot.  Do you ever wonder what triggered the old thoughts to even creep back in or why you still feel so emotional about the past event?  I believe this random thought process is your ego, the voice in our heads that keeps us replaying thoughts without being fully conscious.  Reliving old conversations from the past without any real purpose is a form of mental illness.  When this happens the ego is in control and never allows time for peace.

Let me give you an example, have you ever tried to lose weight?  When you decide you want to lose weight do you feel suddenly your mind is constantly thinking about food?  Do you feel a bit out of control?  Our mind is a tool meant to help complete tasks, analyze situations, and solve problems.   Our mind is not completely who we are, it is just a part of us, like our hands and feet are a part of us.  You don’t let your hands and feet go on autopilot and just take off without being aware, so why do we allow our mind?  I believe that we have lost control of our minds and in the process lost control of what it means to be at peace with ourselves.  We are a species that must medicate in order to relax whether it be with prescription pills, illegal drugs, or alcohol.  The biggest problem is not being able to shut off the constant thought process.

So what if we decided to take the control back from our ego?  What if we stopped allowing our thoughts to just constantly roll non-stop throughout the day and instead we just used our mind as needed?  Stop what you are doing right now, let your mind go silent and just intently feel your body sitting in the chair, feel yourself breathing, take a breath and smell what the air is really like, get quiet and listen intently to all the sounds around you, now look around you and really allow yourself to be aware of your surroundings and what is going on.  When you stop your mind from just being on auto-pilot and really bring yourself into the moment, THAT is the beginning of peace.  Many people talk about taking time to meditate for long periods of time but really you do not have to be in a super quiet room sitting cross legged with your hands placed in a certain position in order to find inner peace, you can do it anytime and anywhere.  Just stopping the random thought process and forcing yourself into the present moment completely, using all your senses is the best way to start the practice.

Once you start practicing the art of being in the moment a few times a day then you can progress to the next step of being aware of the ego.  When you feel your mind going to an old conversation that doesn’t really matter anymore just stop yourself. When you have those moments of riding in the car and do not really remember the last few miles, that is your mind on autopilot.  During that time your mind is probably going through a few important mental lists as well as a bunch of useless thoughts.  This is when you start really observing and being aware of what your thoughts consist of and putting a stop to the nonsense.  Having a few mental routines will help you practice being more in control of your mind instead of your mind controlling you.

I have a few that work for me, before I go to bed each night I think about the tasks that I need to complete the following day.  I plan out exactly where I need to go and what I need to do and the most efficient way to go about accomplishing everything.  I check my calendar and set any alarms or reminders. Once I run through the plan I then allow myself to relax completely by turning off my TV, and putting my phone and lap top on the charges away from my bed.

I often read a book to help my mind relax.  This is also a time to allow yourself to be very present by focusing on your breathing and starting with the toes and moving up through the legs and abdomen, chest, back, hands, arms, shoulders, neck and head being very aware of each part of the body;  maybe tightening the muscles in each area and holding for a count of three then releasing as you focus on each part of the body along with your breathing.  This is great relaxation routine and if you are having some particular health issues this a great time to focus on that part of the body as well.  If you are having digestive issues picture your stomach red and throbbing, looking inflamed and bubbling like a volcano.  Focus on the stomach and picture a light lavender color slowing melt over the stomach and dissolving the red inflammation with a cooling and calming sensation.  Picture the bubbling volcano settling into a peaceful cool lake very calm, relaxed and peaceful.  These visualizations are wonderful for focusing the mind on your body and using it as it is meant to be, as a tool to help instead of rehashing or creating more problems.

Taking control of your mind and the thoughts going through your mind can be very hard at first but as you become more aware it can be life changing.  As you get better at it you may decide to add a yoga and meditation practice to your routine.  Simply stopping to ask yourself what you are feeling can really bring you back into the present. Being aware of your body and your breathing is the best way to constantly put your mind in check and keep it from taking off without you.  The more you use your mind with a purpose and take control of your thoughts, the more efficient your life will become.  Stopping that voice in your head from reliving things from your past or worrying about your future will also be life changing.  The only difference that can truly be made is what you do right now in this moment anyway, so make it count!

Sincerely,

With love, health, happiness and awareness

Stacy

 

Accepting

I have been through many transitions in the last decade of my life.  I will be turning 40 this month and I have been taking inventory of my life up to this point.  Re-evaluating what I have accomplished so far, what I hope to accomplish in the future and the changes I may need to make to get there.  I also have learned one very valuable quality in past few years, the art of accepting.  To be able to accept myself and be happy with where I am right now in life.  To not constantly dwell on the what ifs of the past or the goals of the future, but just be in the now.  I have also learned the art of truly accepting others.  My relationships with friends, family and my significant other have reached a point of true unconditional love that I have not fully realized before and this comes from accepting.  However, with all of that been said, it brings me to a bit of a down side to becoming more accepting.  Sometimes we must accept the fact that no matter how hard we try to be supportive to some people in our lives they may never grow to the level we hope to see them.  We outgrow people and in the process sometime we try to change them but in the end we have to accept them for who they are and where they are at in life.

I do believe that relationships all have seasons, some may last a lifetime of seasons and some may be just a summer love or a close friendship that we encounter during a difficult time in our lives.  In the end, all of them are important in creating who we become.  I have had a friendship that has faded in and out of my life for about 12 years now and I often question why I am still friends with this person.  Usually friendships, like any relationship, have a give and take that is easily understood between the people in it.  So as I re-evaluate my friendship with her I realize that I seem to put forth an effort consistently with advice and listening to her but I ask myself what am I getting from this?  Now, let me clarify, when I say that we all get something out of a relationship, I mean a healthy relationship is usually friends calling each other to talk and listen about their lives, making lunch or dinner plans with each other, inviting each other to special events.  My struggle with this particular friend is things are a bit one sided and though she may want my advice she rarely applies it.

Should I simply accept my friend for exactly who she is even when I see she is making the same mistakes over and over?  Accepting is a hard process in situations like this.  I have told her my thoughts in previous situations and after years of her not taking my advice she was hurt very badly and finally moved on from a guy in her life.  Basically, I realize that some people just have to learn the hard way.  Now I see her in another life situation where I am trying to advise her and I feel de-ja-vu.  So I stop and ask myself, why am I so anxious over this?  It isn’t my life.  These choices will not effect me.  If she isn’t learning from her past mistakes then that is her problem, I have enough to deal with in my own life.  So is part of accepting others simply coming to point of just getting exhausted to the fact that you might as well be talking to a wall?  They ask your advice but rarely take it and then later tell you that they should have listened.

Accepting others for exactly who they are, good, bad and the ugly, can be very hard but I have brought it in to perspective for myself.  When I feel myself wanting to step in and be the voice of reason with my friend I stop myself.  I no longer put as much effort in to her life but instead focus on where I can make a difference in my own life.  I turn my focus inward and ask myself what I can be doing better and where I may be repeating some of the same mistakes over and over in my life.  In this process I have found that discussing my personal progress has made a big impression on my friend.  By practicing what I preach I have proved that positive changes can be made and that actions really do speak louder than words.  In turn I have also realized that I am happier when I am not worrying myself over someone else’s issues.  By accepting others for who they are you are releasing yourself from responsibility for who they are and that is pretty freeing.  Sometimes we feel protective over our friends and want to guide them like we may do a child but that is not a true friendship.  We are all in this together and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, if we just focus on our own path and support each other on those paths life really gets much easier.

Love, happiness, health and acceptance,

Stacy