Can You Have It All?

It is possible to have it all but usually it doesn’t happen all at once.  There is a method to how it all falls into place and most of the time you won’t see the plan until after it has been executed.  Looking back on my life I can easily see how certain situations and people were meant to come to me at a certain time in my life.  If they had come sooner or later, I would not have learned the lessons and grown from the experience in the same way.  We all have our own path and we all have our own unique desires and goals.

When I think about the idea of having it all I realize my idea of a joyful and fulfilling life may not be the same as the next person.  My ultimate dream is to finish my degree and eventually be my own boss so that I can have the freedom to work and travel on my own terms.  I have also always dreamed of having a loving partner with a passion to do the same.  Work hard and still have wonderful experiences in travel and share the dream as a team, supporting each other in our goals and passions.  I want to pursue my writing and even possibly do some public speaking on topics that promote ideas and strategies for people to live happier, productive and more fulfilling lives.  These dreams are going to take some time to develop for many reasons, I realize I have to learn and grow in some areas first and I also realize I have to heal and trust after past experiences.

It always comes back to a question I often repeat to myself, based on my past experiences, my current circumstances and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for me to do?  The wise thing is to recognize when a good thing presents itself but don’t lose focus of the bigger picture.  Remember the lessons from the past and the boundaries you created to protect yourself moving forward.  Keeping all of that in mind you can also let go of the need to control every little detail and enjoy the process.  It is possible to do well in your education and career while developing a new relationship, getting in the best shape of your life and remodeling your house.  It is also possible to create real and serious plans for the future if you suddenly find yourself walking on a more solid path with like minded people.

I admit that I look at my path now compared to this time last year and my path is much more clear and defined.  So much can change in one year!  I see greater potential for the things I have always wanted.  I am happier because I have gained clarity.  I know I am capable of accomplishing everything I want and having it all.  Things are falling into place at just the right pace.  I don’t have to force it, just simply enjoy the process.  You don’t want to have it all, all at once.  You want to feel and see it all develop.  It will fall into place like a puzzle, each piece developing in its own time but all meant to add to the bigger picture.  School is moving right along and I am learning more and more with my job every day.  I have steadily been investing in little home projects and working on improving my diet and increasing my exercise.  Reading books and putting into practice skills for improving my productivity, efficiency, and the joy in all areas of my life.

With all of this focus on self-improvement I have allowed myself to set the relationship aspect of my life on the back burner.  However, it was still a very important part to my bigger picture plan and would be a big part of finally having it all.  As I have started to feel more confident in those areas of my life I have naturally attracted the potential partner and relationship, the timing is really quite amazing.  When you let law of attraction and God take control and stop trying to figure out the when, where, how, who or why of what you want amazing things start to happen.   Don’t force it, just let it come naturally and the world becomes magic.  Don’t question it and don’t worry about it anymore.  Trust and believe that it is already in process and that you can and will have it all, just not all at once.  Because we are meant to enjoy the process and be in the moment, we appreciate it more when we can look back and see how it all fell into place. In that reflection we can often find meaning in those little steps along the way.  The beauty of life is in all those little details, don’t become so focused on the destination that you forget to enjoy the road trip on the way to having it all!

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

Emotional Intelligence

I have met people that are extremely intelligent in my life but have had absolutely no social or relational skills.  The emotion most often and easily displayed by this person was anger and even then it didn’t always make sense.  Being around this person involved constant mixed signals and wondering where I stood in the relationship.  It was like pulling teeth to have a normal conversation unless I hit on a subject he was really passionate about.  When you spend a lot of time with a person who is low on the emotional intelligence scale it can actually start to make you feel like maybe something is wrong with you.  In a nutshell, communication sucks and you start guessing at what the other person is thinking because you get tired of asking.  Of course when communication is lacking and it is left up to us to assume because asking starts to feel intrusive, then it leaves a person feeling insecure in a relationship.

So what happens when you finally move on and take time away from someone with low EI and then you encounter someone with incredibly high EI?  The dynamic is actually really life changing.  I realize by this point in my life that I need to communicate regularly in order to feel happy in my relationships.  It doesn’t have to be long drawn out  and significantly deep conversations all the time.  A simple check in with my adult daughter throughout the week and a loving text to from the man in my world to let me know he misses me while he is out of town on business is enough.  My love language is words of affirmation.  I love to hear how I am doing, where I stand, and what is going on with others in my life.  I cannot express enough how important it is to learn what the top love languages are for the people in your life.  My second is quality time and my third is physical touch.  Knowing this about myself and letting others in my life know how I express and feel loved is helpful in keeping strong relationships.

You can be the smartest person in the room but if you cannot walk up to a person and have a normal give and take conversation you will not get as far as someone of average intelligence that can make everyone laugh and feel at ease.  If I had to give young people advice moving forward in any career field it would be to work on their emotional intelligence and communication skills.  To be able to communicate effectively and relate to people is useful in any aspect of life and taking the time to develop those skills through public speaking, writing, or even learning to just be a better listener are all keys to greater success.  Dale Carnegie and Tony Robbins are great references for how to better develop emotional intelligence and communication skills but there are many other greats as well.

Emotional intelligence is not something you just have or don’t have.  Yes some may come by it more naturally just like anything but it is a skill that can be developed.  Just like learning and becoming better in any field, music, math, computer technology, or writing, practice makes you better.  The art of learning to express yourself effectively and not being afraid to allow yourself to get a little vulnerable with others is life changing.  If you have time to invest into going to the gym or learn to play the piano, then you can practice your social skills easily.  Talking to others is something you do everyday so why not learn to do it well?  I can say from experience my eyes have been opened to what it is like to date a man with limited emotional to intelligence to what is like to date one with very high emotional intelligence and the experience is night and day.  As they often say, communication is key.

With love, health, and happiness

Stacy

Unexpected

Sooo I had a plan.  I am not saying I am giving up the plan but I may need to re-evaluate the plan.  See, I thought I needed to work on myself and some of that probably stemmed from the break-up last Summer.  Okay, maybe most of it did.  When we get rejected by someone we care about it makes us feel like something is wrong with us, or at least it did me.  So it is common after a breakup to really work hard at becoming better versions of ourselves.  I have been doing my yoga and meditation each day, journaling and prayers, and trying to drink more water and make healthier food choices and all of it has paid off.   I am a positive person I think most would say and I do believe that if you put your desires out into the universe with full belief and faith in the process and with good intentions, then good things will come your way.  

I had a plan to go a year without dating but I had also painted a picture of what I want in a relationship in the future.  At my age and after dating a few different guys you become pretty clear about what you definitely do want and what you don’t want in a relationship and significant other.  I had planned to stay open to making new friends but I wanted to focus on my career and school.  I have been working on healing my heart for six months and trying to come to terms with the fact that I was single again.  I have always heard it happens when you least expect it.  I accepted the phone number but made it clear I am not looking for a relationship.  I accepted the invitation to meet up for dinner and the conversation is easy and the night ends in a kiss that left me thinking…okay that would probably qualify as a date.

When the flowers come to my office on Monday I know I am in trouble.  I like this guy and he obviously likes me.  Is it really unexpected?  Yes and no.  I think the law of attraction worked exactly the way Abraham Hicks said it would.  Put your desires out into the universe and let God have it in his control to set in motion and make happen.  So this week I have struggled with this unexpected chain of events and I have had to ask myself…what is really happening here?  Basically, I set my intention to find a partner and then I let it go and got focused on my school and career.  I didn’t go out looking for him, he found me.  I didn’t force it or try to control the situation, it happened without me trying at all.  It happened just like it was supposed to, just like I wanted, naturally.  Am I saying I know without a doubt this guy is the one for me?  No, not just yet but I do think there is some serious potential behind those green eyes and that easy smile.  I guess it is true, some of the best things in life are the ones you never expect…. I guess only time will tell.

With love, health, happiness and the unexpected,

Stacy

How Are You?

Really how are you today?  As you read this how do you feel, mentally, physically, emotionally?  Are you taking care of yourself and living with purpose or are you just going through the motions like a hamster on a wheel?  Maybe it is time to take inventory and see how you line up.  As we move through life we may hit points where we lose focus and start to think…what am I doing and what is all of this really for?  Am I even happy with the life I have created?  Is this 9-5 office job really worth it or, if I am being really honest with myself, would I be happier just selling flip-flops from a hut on the beach?

Often, we go through stages in life trying to keep up with what others expect.  The social norms of college or a trade school, landing the great job, building a career with good benefits and a nice retirement plan, buying a home, marriage, kids, a dog, a nice car and a couple of nice vacations a year is pretty close to the American dream.  However, I have noticed the American dream is drastically beginning to take on a new meaning over the years.  With non-traditional family units, many people waiting longer to get married and have children, blended families, and more and more people simply opting to stay single and not have children and the career field becoming bigger and broader with opportunities and capabilities only limited by a persons imagination.  This is an exciting time in life, but it can also be a bit overwhelming.  That is why it is so important to know yourself.

If you find yourself overwhelmed and unsure, just going through the motions then, most likely you have lost sight of yourself.  The best way to stay on track in this busy, high paced world is to understand who you are, what you want, and what brings you joy.  If you have these three things figured out then the rest falls into place pretty easily.  Knowing who you are, your morals, values, beliefs, are essential to knowing where you stand in each path you take and situations that may arise.  Knowing who you are will be based on past experiences, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams and will help you make wise choices that are best for you….not anyone else but you.

Knowing what you want in life is also vitally important when asking yourself if you are doing okay.  Not what your parents want, or your partner, or what anyone else in your life thinks you should want, but what do YOU want?  If it is just a simple life selling flip-flops on the beach, then great!  If you want to finish your education, build a home, have a baby, adopt a puppy, write a book, become a life coach, start a podcast, or travel to Europe….figure out the things that inspire you in life and don’t let your fear of what others may think hold you back.  Once you know yourself and what you want then you must seek what brings you joy.

The process of sticking to the type of person you want to be, and truly knowing who you are in character, morals, values, and beliefs is the best place to start.  Then knowing what you want in life is the key to setting yourself on the right path, look for signs that point you in the right direction through books, people, places, situations and opportunities that may present themselves once you become more clear on what you want.  Finally, just relax and enjoy the process.  Don’t overthink it, stress about the details of how, when and why.  Just enjoy each moment as your story unfolds.  Be true to yourself, have your eye on the prize and then have faith that it will all work out as long as you stay positive and continue to find joy in the activities of daily life.

I find it is good to re-evaluate regularly, especially when life is super busy with many distractions.  Ground yourself in a practice of reminding yourself the type person you want to be and what it is really all about for you at the end of each day.  Then remember to focus on the positive and live in the moment.  Don’t become so focused on the end game that you forget to really enjoy the process because the beauty of life really is in the details.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

A Year of No Dating

So if you have been following my blog you know that I went through a hard break-up from a man I still love in 2019.  I have tried to consider the idea of dating again and after much thought I feel that maybe this is my year to just focus on my personal and professional growth.  To date right now would be pointless anyway because it would not be fair to anyone considering I still have feelings for another.  So as I move forward in this year I will be tackling school, career, physical, mental, and emotional growth and learning.

If you have followed my blog you will also remember a series I recommended called Just Ask It and you can find it at justaskit.org.  I highly recommend watching the entire series but part 4, called Edged Out is a must watch, it actually touches upon the idea of going an entire year without dating.  The truth is, I really do not mind being alone, it doesn’t feel lonely to me most of the time.  I do have moments on some days where I miss the companionship of another but I would prefer to be happy and alone than miserable in a relationship.  I remind myself, making compromises of my bigger picture goal to overcome a moment of loneliness is really not worth it.  So what is the bigger picture goal?

As I work through my mental health counseling degree and started therapy on my own to get the feel for what it is like as a client, I realized the importance of knowing what we bring to the table in relationship versus what we want from a partner.  I admit that I often did not feel good enough in my relationship, especially in the beginning.  There were many things I wanted to accomplish and work on within myself when I met him.  I am not saying that you cannot be in a relationship while working on big goals in life because I did go into my relationship believing I could accomplish it all and still have the relationship.  However, as the relationship progressed and my goals started taking shape I could see my feelings in the relationship start to change.  I wanted more in every aspect of my life and did not want to settle for just being the girlfriend anymore.  I like steady progress, I want to see progress in my career, my education, my finances, my personal self and my relationships and I want a man who desires the same.

So, as I move into the new year I realize that it is probably best to rise up to my own personal standards first.  Then I can feel confident when I am ready to date again to feel good enough when I enter into a new relationship.  We cannot pray and meditate for a partner who has it all if we are just sitting on the sidelines in all or even just some areas of our lives.  Get happy with yourself and feel full in your own world then it is much easier to attract and join together with someone who wants to navigate the world with you.

With peace, love, health and happiness,

Stacy

Sometimes Growth Is Lonely

I am going through a major shift in my life where I have been spending a lot of time alone.  Through books, research, pod casts, YouTube, TedTalks, meditation, and many other methods of learning I am growing both personally and professionally at a rapid rate.  I have also noticed in my spiritual growth that many tests or possible obstacles have popped up recently.  These can be in forms of people inviting me to be distracted by going out to bars for drinks, flirtations from men, and even the distraction of social media.  I have realized that it is so important to take inventory every once in a while on how I am choosing to spend my time and ask myself if I am spending it wisely.  Am I choosing to partake in conversations and activities that are adding to my life?  Am I spending time with people who encourage me in my personal and professional growth?  It is so hard to move beyond because often the real test in the growth process in the loneliness that comes with the change.

As I have begun my masters program I have found my life going through many big changes.  I went through a break-up which has put me in a place of total re-evaluation of my life and what I want for my future.  Also, a mental health counseling program will totally make you re-evaluate how you look at yourself and get to the core of your own morals, values and beliefs.  I am changing so much that I realize I am quickly outgrowing many of the activities and people that I was involved with just a year ago.  This process can be bitter sweet but it is just necessary in order to reach my full potential.  I have my eye on the prize and I understand that sometimes sacrifices have to be made in order to get where I want to be in life.  Sometimes the hard work is not just in the work we put in at a job or school, but the work we put in to our personal selves both spiritually and physically.

I have pushed myself a bit to interact with family and friends through the holidays, yes I said pushed, there is a part of me that still just wants to hide out since the loss of my relationship.  Any communication from him still causes my heart to react and I have just come to the conclusion that my love for him will not be fading anytime soon.  Knowing this is also beneficial because it helps me realize that focusing on a romantic relationship is not where I need to be at this point in my life.  I can go on loving him and healing while focusing on my professional, personal, spiritual, and physical improvements.  I don’t mind being alone, I don’t mind Friday and Saturday nights spent doing yoga classes, meditating at home, reading books and sipping tea instead of out at a bar drinking.  I love waking up Sunday mornings to attend church and not feeling hungover from Saturday night with friends.  I love feeling the soreness in my muscles from a good yoga class and the glow of my skin and hair and the increased energy level and decreased number on the scale as I remove caffeine, sodas, and alcohol from my life and replace with herbal teas, water and more raw foods.

Creating morning and evening routines that work for me and forming more healthy habits has been a slow and steady process for me but I can see the positive effects beginning to show in my life.  We all have set-backs, make mistakes, struggle and even days where we barely make any progress but the goal is to keep going no matter what.  There will be days where it does get lonely and you feel like you have alienated yourself in all this growth and learning but the truth is, sometimes it is lonely at the top.  Stay positive and open to opportunity and the right people will eventually start to flow into your world.  Sometimes it just takes a little time because the changes are happening so fast and you have to allow yourself an adjustment period.  Just have faith and remember you have got to believe it before you can receive it.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy