Conversations With Yourself

You ever have a moment that frustrates you but you are unsure exactly why it bothers you so much?  The more you think about the moment you just want validation for how you are feeling, so you think you are going to call a friend and analyze things.  Have you ever considered calling that friend and then stopped?  Did you ever stop and think that analyzing the situation with someone else is exactly what you don’t need to do?  That is right, don’t talk about the things that frustrate you, at least not to other people.  The best thing you can do is talk it out with yourself and…God.

Maybe you are not a believer in the big man upstairs, that is okay, whatever you call it …the universe, Buddha, Mother Nature…we all have something greater than us that we go to in times of struggle.  Whatever you call that almighty power, I promise the conversations you have in those moments will be more enlightening than any conversation you have with that friend you were about to call.  We need to trust in ourselves to resolve our own conflict through thoughtfulness, meditation and prayer.  In these moments the biggest answers to worries, struggles and frustrations can become clear.

The truth is, the more you think about and discuss things, the bigger it becomes.  So the best thing you can do is pray or meditate upon it and then let it go.  The things you really want to be giving your energy to is the positive.  Talk to your friends about the good things in your life, the things that excite you, your goals to better yourself.  Never give your time and energy to the negative by over-analyzing issues.  I truly believe, the more you talk about something, the bigger it gets, so lets not make our problems bigger.

I have also found that listening is the best thing you can do.  So have you ever just listened to yourself?  Yes, at first thought, talking to yourself sounds like the straight path to crazy but the truth is, self talk can be very therapeutic.  If anyone knows the situation and feelings involved in the situation it is going to be you…so why not discuss the issue with yourself?  Ask yourself why you really think you are upset?  Are you assuming certain things or do you have all the facts?  Be honest with yourself, are you over-reacting or is this obviously something you should confront?  Ask yourself what advice would you give to a friend who came to you with the same dilemma?  Then take your own advice, but be very honest with yourself.

Learning to work through your problems on your own is a sign of strength.  I am not saying that you should never turn to others in times of struggle.  It is good to have a support system when things are hard and you can’t self sooth.  However, learning to work through social, mental and emotional issues on your own, through different methods, creates a stronger connection within.  Stop yourself and take a moment to take in everything around you, the sounds in the room around you, the feeling of your body from head to toe, the smells, listen to your breathing….connect with yourself like this a few times throughout the day. Learning to stop, be self aware and very present will help you stop in frustrating moments and gain composure before simply reacting.

Take time to be alone and talk things through with yourself and/or God….just talk out loud and you might be surprised just how much insight you really already have on the situation.

With Happiness, Health, Love and Great Self Talk,

Stacy

 

 

Winter Blues

How do they do it? I cannot imagine living in an area that has snow more than a few weeks out of the year.  I really do despise cold weather even with its moments of beauty.  From the moment my alarm goes off the thought of cold creeps into my world.  I must jump up and turn on the heater in my bathroom because I just hate being cold while I get ready in the morning (or anytime for that matter).  Then, I make my morning coffee, put on my 4 layers of clothes, and warm up my car before heading off to the office.  I feel chilled off and on throughout my day and I dread going anywhere other than straight to work and back home.  With snow and ice on the ground it just basically sucks to do anything, even walk!  If I go grocery shopping, pushing the cart to my car is like embarking on an off-roading adventure.  Life just takes more effort, I don’t want to go to the gym or go lay in the tanning bed.  Doing any of that means going out in the cold, and getting naked to lay in a tanning bed is absolute torture!  I am one of those people who gets cold and no matter what I do, I cannot get warm until the end of the day when I sit in a hot bath or take a hot shower to finally thaw out.

I suffer from what I call the winter blues.  I take vitamin D, I try to exercise and sit near a window to be near natural sunlight, I go to the tanning salon,  I do my best to drink plenty of water, meditate, and I have houseplants and flowers in my home & office.  All of this effort still leaves me wishing the cold and snow would just hurry up and go away.  I find myself looking through Hulu and Netflix for a movie or reading a book and I just can’t get interested.  I go to sleep early and wake up early like my grandparents used to do.  All of these efforts definitely help me to some degree and I recommend trying them if you haven’t.  However, in the end, the best thing you can do is face it and get out in it.  Don’t hide out!

Push yourself to live your life and don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the winter blues.   Get yourself together and go do what you would be doing if it wasn’t freezing outside.  I get tired of hiding out and trying to wait it out, I just bundle up and get my ass to the gym anyway.  I always feel better once I do.  I find the more active I try to be in the winter the better I feel.  Allowing yourself to go into hibernation mode is a very bad idea.  In order to keep your immune system strong and avoid getting hit by the cold and flu season during the winter months, it is best to stay active, drink plenty of water, and get out in the fresh air when possible.

Embrace the easy, one pot recipes when winter arrives!  There are so many yummy soups, stews, and chilis and that you can put in the slow cooker and have ready when you get home from a long cold day.  I also love different herbal teas at night, before bed and wonderful essential oil blends to put in a warm bath. Embrace the cute and fashionable winter weather clothes, it makes the morning a lot easier to face if you have a coat, hat, gloves and a scarf that you really love. We don’t open windows in our home, office or car when it is freezing outside, so it can get stuffy;  I try to keep candles at my home & office, or tropical scented air fresheners in my car, so when the heat is blowing full blast I can enjoy the smell of the beach!  A cool mist humidifier is also wonderful, air can get dry in your home and adding a few drops of essential oils to the humidifier can add moisture and a wonderful, healthy scent to the atmosphere. Dry skin happens too, make sure you slather your body with a good moisturizer after your shower or bath to avoid dry, itchy skin (and don’t forget chapstick or lip balm!).  Eating fruits and vegetables that have lots of vitamin C and vitamin D is important to help keep the immune system strong and your mood improved as well!

Winter weather health is different than the other seasons and for me, it is a bit more of a struggle.  I have to push myself harder to motivate each day, those really cold days, when the ground is covered with snow, I just want to crawl back into my warm bed.  I must admit, once Spring comes it definitely brings a stronger appreciate for the other seasons!  Truthfully, I love all the seasons and I am thankful that in Missouri I get to see them all to the full extent each year.  I just prefer to watch winter through my living room window and not have to venture out in it.  However, this year I have practiced embracing it by finding things to enjoy and even though it is still my least favorite season I am pushing through like a champ!

With love, happiness, health and motivation (and dreams of Summer),

Stacy

Fasting 21 days

I have decided to do a special fast for the next 21 days. In this fasting period I plan to spend more time meditating instead of eating.  There are multiple issues I plan to battle in taking on this fast.  I feel that I have become too dependent on food in my life to bring me comfort.  I feel in order to be happier and healthier I need to remind myself that food is simply to fuel my body and not a hobby.  Since I am very busy working two jobs I cannot go completely without food.  My plan is to eat very minimal with fruits, vegetables, and water.

My hope is that I will not only change my dependency on food for more than just fuel, but also become happier and healthier mentally & physically.  When the hunger or cravings become strong or I feel tempted I plan to turn to meditation and prayer.  I hope this process will also help me realize that I can be strong enough to overcome my stress, worries or fears on my own, without turning to habits like eating to self sooth instead of actually being hungry.  Just like some people may depend on smoking, drinking or medications to overcome boredom, stress, or anxiety.  Usually when we can identify a bad habit we can monitor ourselves and each time we turn to the habit ask why?  What is going on in that moment that made us reach for the snack, cigarette, drink, or Xanax?  Once you can identify the trigger then you can reroute yourself.

I realize that I often reach for food out of habit and boredom.  When I am at my desk working on my computer, studying for school, or watching TV I find myself reaching for food even if I am not really hungry.  Keeping healthy snacks is not the goal here. Eating only when I am hungry is my goal.  Letting my body feel hungry is not a bad thing. So I have decided to stop the habit by being more aware of how I am feeling when I am working, studying or watching TV and not allow myself to just zone out.  By fasting for 21 days I will be more aware of what my body really needs and when it really needs it.  Turning to prayer and meditation creates an inner peace within us.  With practice we learn that we can naturally sooth ourselves.  Being able to self sooth is like a muscle that needs to be trained in order to get stronger.  If we constantly reach for other methods that muscle begins to atrophy.  Stop turning to food, cigarettes, alcohol or medications & drugs to help you cope.  Learn to depend on yourself.  Join me in this 21 day fast and rid your life of some unhealthy habits.

In Happiness, Health, and Strength for a Better YOU

Stacy

Hurt Feelings

Ever been with someone you love and they say or do something that completely hurts your heart?  You wonder later if maybe you are being a big baby but you analyze it from every direction and basically the comment or action was just for no other reason than to be mean.  Mama has always said, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.  I guess we are all human and say things we don’t mean at times. Right?  At what point do the little cuts become a big wound?  How do we distinguish between being human versus being abusive?

I have encountered quite a few men in my life, (my father, bosses, friends and boyfriends) that have the habit of always pointing out the negative with ease, but rarely giving a compliment.  This is something I pay a lot of attention to because my love language is mainly words of affirmation.  I like to hear that I am appreciated, I prefer a love letter over a material gift, I need those words in order to feel fully loved.  Everyone has a love language and I believe my boyfriend has completely different love languages than I do.  My most important languages are words of affirmation and quality time, I believe his are acts of kindness and gifts.  The book of 5 Love Languages can really help you navigate how people show their love and feel loved in return and in this process also help you to not be as frustrated or get your feelings hurt.

I understand that people have bad days, I am actually probably one of the most forgiving, understanding, and positive people on the planet because I study people.  I get to know people, I watch, listen and learn constantly.  I take my time to reflect and analyze words and actions of others before I come to a decision on how to respond, if I respond at all.  I usually know when people are genuine or simply just being assholes.  If you can be really honest with yourself then it makes it easier to identify the assholes in life.  Being honest with yourself means, not making excuses for other people who talk down to you or treat you badly over and over again.  If you are dating a guy that makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis then he is probably just an ass and you need to move on.  Unfortunately, women (or men) with a low self esteem don’t believe they deserve better and they just make excuses and continue to be the victim, not realizing they have a choice.

I have had my feelings hurt before, as a matter of fact I had my feelings hurt twice this week and I found myself thinking about it a bit deeper.  My first reaction was upset, I didn’t cry but I got quiet.  Then I got a bit angry which made me even more quiet because I refuse to speak in anger, I have learned angry words lead to regret.  When someone hurts us our first reaction is to hurt back and that only makes matters worse.  The person who hurt my feelings came off really harsh but also a bit playful.  I didn’t say much and just changed the subject of conversation.  Two nights later it happened again, over the top reaction to something by this same person towards me.  Again I was quiet and thought intently about how I should respond.  He knew he had hit a nerve and again tried to play it off like a joke.   I tried to remind myself that he had been sick for a week with a bad cold, so I decided to react in a playful way.   I pointed out the two harsh jabs in one week and told him I didn’t like him when he was sick because he becomes a cantankerous old man.  He sat on the couch with a smile on his face knowing that it was true.  However, to be perfectly honest, a part of me was still hurt by his choice to be mean to me for no apparent reason.

The next morning I drove to work thinking about the incident because the comment didn’t bother as much as the fact that it bothered me so much…I asked myself why?  My conclusion…he rarely ever gives me compliments.  If he complimented me with the ease that it took him to say those hurtful things it probably would not have stung so bad.  It saddens me that a person so close to me can so easily make fun of me but rarely tell me all the things he loves and appreciates about me.  It all comes back to my love language.  If your love language is quality time and your significant other never spends time with you then you will feel hurt.  If your love language is gifts and they never remember special occasions then you will feel hurt,  My love language is words of affirmation and I rarely hear them so when he says something mean it hurts me deeper than it should.  So how do I get over that?

This is where things really start to get deep.  You have to be very in control of yourself and how you choose to see the world.  Basically, what other people think about you is none of your business, even those that you love.  Other people are going to have good and bad days and some who love you may be jealous of you or many other crazy feelings and emotions.  The point is, you can’t spend your life worrying about the small stuff and it is all small stuff.  I am very focused on getting myself to a certain level in life, so focused that even the man I love will not make me feel bad about myself.  If he wants to be mean then he can have his words but I will not join him in the fight.  I know who I am and where I am going and no one will take me from my path.

We have to realize that when we are going strong, feeling blessed, and really focused, some people, (even the ones we love the most) may be intimidated by our success.  We cannot allow their insecurities to change how we feel because their negativity is their problem, not ours.  Get quiet and think to yourself what you know to be true….maybe they are really just having a bad day, or maybe they are truly just being an asshole.  If you are honest with yourself then you will know the truth in your heart and the truth will set you free!  Don’t take it personal because their thoughts and actions towards you or anyone else should not reflect on you.  You are only responsible for how you respond, and your thoughts and actions.

Love, Happiness, Health, and the Truth,

Stacy