The 10 Day Push

 

So in exactly 10 days I am leaving on a fun filled vacation with the awesome man in my life.  Today I received my new bikini in the mail and upon trying it on realized that my body could use a little tweaking.  I would love to lose 10 pounds before we leave but I know that is a bit of a lofty goal in only ten days.  However, considering I eat like crap and do not exercise I am thinking if I really push myself I could get reasonably close.  Heck, even if I don’t lose more than 5 pounds I will still look better in my new bikini than I do right now!

Earlier this evening I walked to my guest room, where I keep my lonely treadmill.  That treadmill gets more action from my cat sleeping on it than me running or walking on it for sure!  I jogged for the first time in probably 6 months and did a quick mile.  It did not take me long, it was fairly easy, and it gave me a boost of energy that I did not expect. Since I started back to school, on top of working a full time and part time job, the last thing I want to do at night or in the morning is jog on a treadmill.  With that being said, I know that if I really want to be the confident and happy version of myself on vacation it is probably time to push myself a little.

So I got on the scale this evening and weighed in at 134 pounds and I am 5’7″.  I know that I fall in the normal weight for my height but we all have that magic weight where we know we just really look good in anything. That weight where you can sit on a boat in your bikini and bend over to get the suntan lotion out of your bag and not have to worry about the overhang from your stomach showing to the world.  Yes, in my scrubs at work or a simple t-shirt and jeans those little imperfections are easy to hide but once you are in full sun in nothing but a bikini the truth is revealed!  How about when you are sitting in your beach chair next to your man enjoying the sun and you get super hot and want to head out to the water…the line-up of chairs facing the water is like a big audience of people watching you walk to the water!  They are all looking at your ass and comparing and taking notes!  It makes me want to turn around and do jazzy hands as I back dat ass up to the water!

My goal is to drink only water, (no sodas or alcohol), eat as healthy as possible, (lots of fruits, veggies, and protein) and exercise every day and as much as possible.  If you have any advice for me on this 10 day journey it would be greatly appreciated!  Maybe you have a vacation coming up and you can join me on the 10 day push to get your goal started!

Sincerely,

To a happier, healthier you!

Stacy

 

 

 

 

Friendship Facts

As I have gotten older my circle of trusted friends has gotten smaller.  I have different levels of friends but I would say I have about 5 girlfriends that I have the desire to talk to about my world and theirs on a deeper level.  These five women are all very different and affect my world in different ways.  One is like a mother and mentor to me at times, telling me lessons she has learned in life along with great beauty secrets.  The other is a hot headed, hard working, ball of energy that is way too hard on herself but never seems to stop giving to others.  The next is a friend that I feel I want to kill sometimes and can’t love enough at other times. She challenges me because we are so different in personality but she has helped me grow as a person.  The fourth close friend that comes to mind is my best friend from high school who never fails to make me laugh and is my biggest cheerleader in life, other than my daughter.  Then the final friend is my hippie, gypsy friend who has been my little sister since the day she opened up to me about being pregnant and scared shitless.  She allows me to be a mentor and give her advice on what I have learned in life but she is also my calm person to turn to when I am stressed or upset. The laughter and tears shared with all these women are what makes true friendship valuable.  If you have a friend that you have never had a disagreement with, then they are not a close friend.  Real friends disagree and keep on loving one another. It is like a sisterhood!

I have other amazing women and men in my life that I consider friends and I do believe that we have different levels of friendships but these women have been there for me and allowed me to be there for them.  The give and take has built a bond that will be hard to break.  So what is the basis of a good friendship?  Why do we have deep connections with some people and not others?

I think a lot of it has to do with where we are in our live when we meet people.  I have a tendency to bond with people that I work closely with.  Out of the five friends I have mentioned, I have worked with three of them.  The others were the friend I went to school with and  a neighbor.  If you go through a really hard or embarrassing point in your life and a person supports you and puts up with all your craziness then they are a keeper.  My group of five have seen me go through divorce, break-ups, sickness and deciding to go back to school and financial hardships…the list is endless and they have all been there in their own special ways.  I have returned the favor as best as I can by being there for them but words can not always describe how much I truly love and appreciate each of them.

Cultivating strong, happy friendships is one of the best things I have ever done in my life.  Each of these women bring great talents and wisdom to the table.  I have learned in the past that some friendships can drain you and leave your feeling used.  I believe it is good to re-evaluate all relationships in your life every now and then and ask yourself if each relationship is improving your life and bringing you more joy or frustration.  That is true with jobs and everything else in your life!  If someone or something is causing more harm than good then why keep it in your life?  Clean out the friendship closet and release those friends that only ever call when they want something or the ones who are always too busy to have lunch or take your call.  You have to cultivate relationships and put in the quality time in order for them to grow strong and healthy.  If someone doesn’t want to put in the effort then they probably do not really need your friendship.

My family is very important to me, especially my relationship with my daughter, my boyfriend is also very important to me.  Then of course my brother and his family and my parents, but then I have my friends who are like family.  Each relationship I have with family and friends is important to my life and made me the woman I am today.  I am thankful for even the friendships that have been cleaned out of my life because they have taught me lessons about myself as well.  The relationships we build in life are more important than anything else we will do in our lifetime so make them count and let them know you love them!

Sincerely,

To your happiness, health, love and friendship!

Stacy

Relationship Evolution

I have been married and divorced. I was married at 21 and divorced at 28.  I have been divorced for 11 years and been through a lot of dating in that time.  I have been in a relationship for almost two years now with a man that I am pretty crazy about.  With that being said, I realize that my thoughts on relationships have changed drastically over the years.  Through my experience I have learned a lot about myself and what it really means to love someone.  I used to think that marriage was the ultimate and final expression of love.  A way of saying…I choose you over everyone else and now you are officially mine!  To have someone love you enough to make that claim seemed so romantic to me when I was younger.  Now that I have grown older I am not so sure I look at marriage the same way.

Do you really think marriage is important in life or do you believe people give it too much meaning? I have been back and forth in this fight with myself for a while.  I think the real reason most people rush to be married is because there is some insecurity in the relationship.  It reminds me of women who get pregnant to keep the guy.  They think if we can just get married then it is a done deal and we can relax in knowing that it is official, but we all know that is not really true.  If there are insecurities and issues within a relationship a baby or pushing through a big fancy wedding with all the family and friends is not going to make those issues and insecurities go away.

I do not believe marriage is just a piece of paper and it does drive me crazy when I hear people say this.  I know if I ever do marry again it will have a very deep and special meaning.  However, if I don’t marry again it doesn’t scare me.  The thought of monogamous and committed relationship with a man I love is enough for me.  I think if a person needs marriage to feel complete in a relationship then there are probably underlying issues.  I also feel that if a person is strictly against marriage there are also some underlying issues that need to be addressed.  There should be this relaxed vibe about marriage.

A person should not feel anxiety about the idea of marriage.  If you feel your are giving up a part of yourself or losing something in the process then you need to re-evaluate yourself and your relationship.  If you have dated the appropriate amount of time and went through all the basic steps of meeting each others family and friends then there should be a comfort between the two of you.  There should be standards met, any deal breakers, like drugs or alcohol issues or lying and cheating should be obvious concerns but also must haves should be equally important.  I wanted a strong relationship with a man who has a faith and belief in God, a great sense of humor, financial security, honesty, and a kindness and compassion for others(unselfish).  Always stick to the standards you set for yourself, do not lower them for anyone.

Once you are dating a person do not be afraid to address things that bother you early on in the process because if you ignore them they will only get worse.  There were certain little things that my guy did and it took me a bit before I was bold enough to bring them up.  I waited things out and observed how he was with others to see if it was just me or just his personality in general.  Once I was fully aware and took the time to assess the reasons why he may behave a certain way, I then felt more confident in how to approach talking to him about it.  It is vital to understand that a big part of dating is communication but how you say things is equally important.  My guy is a man of few words so communication has been a challenge for me at times.

I often feel I am playing a one sided game of twenty questions:

Me:  Oh you are going out of town to see a friend?  Who is this friend?

Him:  Jeff

Me:  *Patiently waiting for him to elaborate on who Jeff is and how he knows him*

Him:  *crickets*

I went on to ask how he knows him, how long they have been friends, why haven’t I heard his name in the time we have been dating?  If I had been talking to a girlfriend all of that information would have naturally flowed in conversation without me asking all the questions.  I have learned that some of this is simply the difference between men and women and that some of this is just his personality.

In my younger years this process would have been very frustrating to me and also made me feel a bit insecure in the relationship.  If he wanted me to know more he would tell me and why doesn’t he want to tell me, what does he have to hide?  I shouldn’t feel like I am being the nosey, nagging girlfriend asking all these questions.  What it comes down to is that loving someone is a choice and each day you decide to continue asking the questions and working towards knowing and loving each other a little more.  But even more important is the acceptance of who they are and not trying to change them.  Then there may come a point when you decide to make an investment in that individual as a full on partner.  I believe that is what marriage is, a financial investment, usually with people who want to buy a home together and raise kids.  My guy and I each have our own homes and we are not planning on raising any children together.  So any investment we make together will be more of an investment of pleasure and support of each other as individuals, a combination of life just to simplify things.

We will have date nights, family time during the holidays, travel together, work together and be there for each other when we are sick or struggling.  We attend church together and share the same interests.  We have come together as a couple in a different point in our lives.  There is no major pressure of major financial stress or raising kids.  The investment we make in each other will be one built more on trust, support, and kindness; I agree to not take what you have worked so hard for up to this point in life and I agree to be there for you in sickness and health.  We love Cardinals baseball, hiking, playing bad golf, traveling to new places, we like the same music, being outdoors, spending time with friends, going to the beach, cooking together, drinking good wine and working hard to be able to enjoy all those things.  Do I believe we have what it takes to have a long lasting relationship, yes I do….and in the end that is really all that matters.

So in conclusion, my idea of what a relationship should be is obviously not the same for everyone.  I think it depends on many factors from age to kids to financial status.  I understand why I felt marriage was important at certain points in my life but my life has drastically changed in the past 11 years.  At this point it has become more personal, strictly between two people who have lived a lot of life already.  I think by this time in life we are both pretty clear on what we want out of life and I believe we both want many of the same things…. someone to share experiences with and someone who will be our go to person when times get hard. In the words of Meredith and Christina on Grey’s Anatomy….He is my person.

To love, happiness, health and growth!

Sincerely,

Stacy