Fear

Everyone has moments in life that bring forth feelings of fear. I have experienced fear a lot in my life, especially in this last year. I felt fear when taking all my final exams for college, licensure, and certification. I felt fear when I started a relationship with a new man. I felt fear when I decided to leave my job and accept a new one in a new town. I felt fear when I put my house up for sale and moved in with the new man in life. I felt fear while trying to complete all my paperwork correctly for my PLPC and the supervision application. I have felt fear in the waiting for everything to move forward and fall into place because I am not the most patient person. It is hard to let life flow naturally and not push or force it. The fear causes me to want to rush things and just get to where I think I should be in order to feel stable, but the truth is, sometimes when we push things it just causes the time to move slower.

I know the universe knows what I want and the more I worry and doubt the more the resistance builds and the longer it takes. The struggle is rooted in the fear. So how do I let go of the fear? How do I trust that everything will move into place as it is suppose to? How do I let go of the worry and doubt and just enjoy life in the moment? It takes practice and self-awareness. When I start to feel frustrated or even panicky about things and the pressure seems to be building, I take a deep breath and repeat the mantra, everything is always working out for me. I take the time to meditate or write out a description of what life looks like for me after everything falls into place. I focus on how far I have come and give thanks for all the good in my life in this very moment.

It is easy to let your mind and body react to fear and if you just stay on auto pilot, the worry and doubts will take you down the rabbit hole. Then, before you know it, you are feelings anxious, depressed, and sick. Addressing fear starts with practicing good coping skills, self-awareness, and pulling yourself back into the present moment. Worry puts the focus on the past and the future, things we cannot change or things that have not even happened yet. Allow yourself to just focus on what you can do in the moment that pushes you closer to your goals and the type of person you ultimately want to be long term. Not a temporary fix or relief like drugs, alcohol, food, careless spending, random sexual encounters, gambling, or countless other escapes. Often these escapes feel good in the moment but only exacerbate the problem and take you further from your goals and the true self.

In what areas of your life is fear holding you back? Are you practicing good coping skills, self-awareness, and staying present or are you allowing yourself to go down the rabbit hole of worry and doubt? Take time to reflect on how you are feeling and what you can do to help yourself reduce the stress in life by attacking the fear through good practices. It is good to check in with yourself daily, mentally, emotionally, and physical and begin to keep notes on how you uniquely react to fear and stress because it can be very different for everyone. There are no cookie cutter symptoms. Once you become more aware, you can catch it earlier and begin a more preventative and maintenance protocol through the coping skills, self-awareness, and being present.

With love, happiness, health….

Stacy

Bubble Wrap Your Heart

The first thing I have noticed in the world of heartbreak and dating is the little bruises and cuts we receive on our poor tattered hearts over time and how those wounds stay with us as we try to work our way back up on the horse to try again.  I think it is safe to say we all know we should not punish the new person in our lives for the bad done to us by those before, but we often still do it anyway.  We may justify it by saying we learned a valuable lesson and we are just being smart with our caution and paranoid thoughts and doubts.  This person is too good to be true so when is the truth bomb going to blow-up in my face?  If you have ever been really heart broken and tried to start a new relationship all of these little thoughts and fears will creep into your mind at some point.  Maybe it will be after the first excitement of new love starts to fade and those good morning texts don’t come quite as consistently?  Maybe it is the first time you spend the night together and don’t have sex?  At some point you think…is this it, is this a form or rejection, the beginning of the end, or are we in a good comfortable place?

First, we must understand these thoughts are all normal and usually there is some degree of fear and wonder coming from both people involved in the relationship.  It is good to move slow, get to know the other person, and create a comfort level for communication so that these worries and thoughts can be shared.  If someone makes you feel silly or crazy for voicing your feelings then that should be a pretty big red flag right from the start.  Every relationship and every couple is unique but also remember you are still a unique individual.  Do not allow your thoughts to be consumed by the other person.  The smartest way to protect your heart is to make sure you are truly happy and fulfilled on your own before you enter into a relationship.  Too often I see beautiful, smart, independent women become so caught up in the romance that they let other parts of their lives fall to the wayside and they have regrets about it later.

Remember who you were in the beginning of the relationship, which is also probably a big reason why the other person fell in love with you in the first place.  So if you go dropping all these parts of your life that made you you, then it will surely change the whole dynamic of the relationship.  Of course, changes, growth, and compromise will occur as a relationship matures but this should be a compatible process that flows naturally.   Each relationship will have its highs and lows, ebbs and flows, and stops and goes.  This is a normal part of sharing a life with another person.  Try to allow yourself to fully heal before entering a new relationship and understand that if things are moving too fast it is okay to slow down and re-evaluate.  It is possible to be wise and still be hopelessly in love.  Let yourself enjoy the moment but don’t forget who you are in the process.  A person who is truly in love with you will encourage you to take your time, to talk things through, to have your space, and to keep your hobbies and interests.  You can protect your heart and still allow yourself to love again.  Happy Valentines Day!

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy