Focus On Your Own Path

 

Don’t get distracted!  Stick to your plan and don’t waiver from your standards.  You have worked hard to learn and grow from the past and create healthy boundaries.  Stop making exceptions to your rules only to quickly realize it isn’t making you happy.  It just creates more work sometimes to engage in conversation with a person you know is not in alignment with what you want.  It is possible to be nice and still say no.  It is okay to completely ignore a random private social media message.  I have had to come to terms with the fact that I can be too nice sometimes.  I never want to be rude or disrespectful.  However, there comes a point when you realize that some people are just no longer in alignment with the path you are on or maybe they never were.  If you stay focused usually they fade out in time, but sometimes we feel obligated to keep re-connecting, maybe out of guilt, habit, or memories of a shared past.  These friends, family members or romantic ties can be unhealthy and always leave you feeling drained and disappointed because they are no longer in alignment with the version of yourself that you desire to be.  How do you let go of unhealthy relationships and not feel guilty?

You can take a moment to really refocus.  Sometimes we get caught up in the day to day of life and lose track of the bigger picture of what we are working for.  We all have a bigger plan in life with goals and dreams and some people can lose sight of those goals and dreams when they get mixed up with the wrong people.  People, places, and things can happen in our lives that leave us on auto pilot.  If we don’t purposefully stop and question ourselves we can end up months, even years down the road wondering where things went wrong.  How did I get so off course?  This was not what my plan!  How am I this old and not accomplished anything I said I would?

I often think of the GPS in my car when I get off course and she states “rerouting”.  This is a perfect analogy for what we should all be doing in our lives regularly.  Check-in with yourself and make sure you feel good about where you are and clear about where you are going.  Be honest with yourself and address areas of your life that do not agree with how you see your best self.  Do not just keep pushing through in relationships, jobs, and situations that do not agree with how you want to see yourself.  Reassess and make a plan that puts you back on the road to reaching your goals.  This is true in every aspect of our lives, diet and exercise, home and self care, our careers and school, devotion to family.  Are you taking time to check in with yourself and make sure you are on a path that leads to a happy and healthy version of yourself?  On this Monday I ask you to check-in and see where you might need a realignment.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

 

Good Habits Lead to Accomplished Goals

Well, here we are wrapping up the end to another year and today also happens to be my birthday.  As I reflect upon the 2019 I can say I have definitely learned a lot about myself, becoming more clear on who I am, what I want for myself, and what I need to work on.  This is the time of year when everyone starts considering resolutions to do or stop doing something for the near year.  I prefer to set goals throughout the year instead of just proclaiming a resolution where I am no longer going to continue a bad habit or start a good one.  The true success behind accomplishing the desire is the game plan and action behind it but most of all, making it believable and achievable in your mind.

To state your are going to lose 50 pounds or quit smoking is a big commitment right out the gate.  I find setting small goals is the best way to find bigger success.  Maybe set your goal to lose 6 pounds by Valentines Day and another 4 by St. Patrick’s Day.  So by mid-March you are already 10 pounds down! If you want to quit smoking just steadily cut back when and where you smoke.  Be realistic so you can stick with it, for example, if you want to drink more water and you barely drink one bottle of water a day now…then you probably will not be able to go straight into drinking 7 bottles of water daily and sticking with it long term.  Actually, I highly recommend habit stacking when setting a goal like increasing water intake.  I always drink a bottle of water when I first get up in the morning (I have it by my bedside ready) and then another on my drive to work.  Usually I drink another on the commute home as well, so that is a guaranteed 3 bottles that I just associate with other activities I am already doing.  I have done it for so long that I just automatically have a bottle by my bedside and always grab one when I head out to my car to drive anywhere. Habit stacking is one of the best tools I have found for building productive morning and evening routines. I highly recommend Atomic Habits by James Clear to learn more.

Too often I see people looking for the quick and easy way to success only to end up with more problems than anticipated.  I have a friend who has been on prescription sleep aids for over 30 years and the side effects of those medications are not good.  When I ask him what else he has tried to help the situation I realize it isn’t much, he has just chose to take the pill because it’s easy.  The real work is in the healthy option which would mean, cutting back on alcohol, losing weight, exercising more, removing the electronics from your bedroom, having a healthier night-time routine and not eating or drinking caffeine too close to bedtime.  The easy button is not usually the best way. How bad do you want it?  What would your life look like when you do accomplish this goal?  Being able to fully imagine and believe the positive affects of the success in your life is helpful when trying to stick to the steps of a goal.  However, we are all human and setbacks will occur.

Be gentle with yourself and understand that change is not an overnight occurrence. It takes time to build good, healthy habits and routines.  You may start off determined and strong for a month and then have a whole week where you are tired and just don’t care.  Instead of beating yourself up over that one week and giving up, get back on it and start again.  If you continue to do well three weeks at a time and fall off on the fourth, I promise at the end of the year you will still be better off than where you started.  Our whole lives we have been falling and getting back up again, why is it acceptable for children but not adults?  We are all experiencing each new day for the first time.  I have never been 42 before!  I am navigating my life at 42 years old for the first time today and I can promise you I will probably fuck something up! Hahaha! So give yourself grace and learn to laugh at the learning process, but never give up and never stop setting goals to better yourself.

With love, health, and happiness for the new year,

Stacy

 

 

Timing is Everything

I have heard this phrase many times throughout my life but as I have gotten older it is really starting to make more sense to me.  Sometimes we meet people in life and maybe they enter our world for just a short time, but their purpose can be profound.  I briefly met a wonderful women on one of my trips and we have stayed in touch through phone calls and texts since our face to face meeting.  In a recent conversation she was able to open my eyes to information on a particular situation that I was not sure of and felt frustrated about.  Her words gave me confirmation on things that I had only been assuming until now.  After our phone conversation I realized the information she gave me I could have asked for months ago, but I also know that knowing that information months ago would have affected me in a very different way then than it did now.  I do believe that often people, places, things, ideas and information comes to us at just the right time. If the timing feels off to you ask yourself why because there really is a lesson or logical reason if you explore it deep enough and most of it has to do with our choices.

I have been healing from my break-up and through the process my emotions have been all over the place.  This recent conversation helped me understand some aspects of the relationship that I was not clear on because she had insight through a mutual friend of mine and my now ex.  Sometimes we receive information through the grapevine and it can seem like gossip and be hurtful and we want to lash out and react in a negative way, but I know in the moment I received this information that it was honest and necessary.  It helped me realize and make sense of some aspects of the relationship that I had been left questioning.  The timing was perfect in my recovery process and even though it wasn’t profound insight, it helped me have clarity in my process moving forward.  Sometimes the answers we seek cannot be seen because of our denial.  We paint pictures of what we want people and situations to be, but that is not always the reality.  Once we step away for a bit the full picture becomes more clear and we can begin to ask the right questions.

I started asking the right questions in my meditations and prayers and those answers have come to me at lightning speed because I no longer have the doubts, worries, fears or denial standing in my way.  We have to allow ourselves time in order to get into a place of allowing.  Our wants, desires, and dreams are already within our reach we just have to be ready to receive it and really believe it.  I have recently had other people come across my path through this process of change and heartache and quickly realized they are not people I want to revisit.  This often happens when we are struggling and in a negative place, we attract others who are struggling and in a negative place and if we are not careful it can cause us to lose focus of our true desires and goals.  The law of attraction attracts people on your wavelength and sometimes that wavelength is not always good; knowing and understanding this fact is important. Attracting people who want to drink heavily and party all the time or married men who want to have long deep conversations outside their marriage are not people I want to attract into my world, of that I am clear.  So when these two things occurred I quickly realized I needed to re-adjust my focus and get on the right wavelength.

Timing has more to do with us than we often realize.  The timing is a choice within ourselves to be strong enough to work through the bullshit and really ask ourselves what kind of lives we want to live and what kind of people we want to be and what kind of people and situations we want to surround ourselves with.  You do not have to be judgmental in your process, just make it clear that your positive choices, standards, morals, values and character are no longer up for debate.  Once you become clear on the these things the universe will naturally start moving in accordance to your beliefs and behavior.  Then, the timing of the universe will shoot the right people, places, things, situations and information to you at lightning speed and the others will gradually start to fade out.  If you waiver on what you want then the desire will never come; your actions, words and beliefs must be in alignment for the timing to happen.  You must decide and commit before you can succeed.  I have had this happening to me in the last week in a big way.  You wonder why timing is off and you never seem to get the life you want? Are you making room in your life for the things you really want?  Are you walking the walk and talking the talk?

Timing is everything, but timing is ultimately still dependent on you.  The choices you make each day and the ability to keep your eye on the prize is the key.  Distractions will come along everyday and our moods can fluctuate.  Be self-aware and check-in with each new person, place and situation…even things, like books or events that cross your path.  All of these things can clue you in on what you are attracting and help you know if you need to re-adjust.  Timing is everything and when the time is right and everything starts to fall into place it is because you have mastered the art of allowing.

With love, health, happiness and good timing,

Stacy

 

 

 

 

Creating Boundaries

In life we want to believe that those who really love us would never knowingly or intentionally push us around, take advantage or treat us badly.  However, sometimes those that love us the most are the ones who will test our limits and boundaries the most.  In the end of my relationship with a man who still says he loves me I always thought that some things were assumed and did not need to be stated out loud.  In that assumption I believed that this man who says he loves me would never take advantage of my love for him.  I had put him on a pedestal and created in my mind this upstanding, high character, Godly man that would never allow me to be hurt or used, he was supposed to love and protect me right?  After our break-up we reconnected one evening and he treated me all the ways I had been missing and this treatment was consistent each time we saw each other ending in a special weekend getaway we had planned before our break-up. It wasn’t until I finally opened my mouth and asked his intentions in the reconnection was it clear that he was allowing me to believe we were working on things when he had no intention.  In that moment I realized something very valuable, something I had always heard but never truly felt in a particular moment in my life until that very moment…people will treat you the way you allow them to.

I went to bed that night feeling a mixture of feelings that included hurt, frustration, confusion and mostly being mad at myself, but one thing I knew for sure was, it was not going to continue and would never happen again.  I allowed myself to re-engage without stating my boundaries and after a bit of thought I realized that I was disrespecting myself by not having more clear boundaries.  I gave this man I had loved for over 4 years the benefit of the doubt by allowing myself to go there again without gaining clarity first and he took advantage of that.  So okay I forgive myself, this time shame on him for allowing it to happen.  He knew how I felt and took all my listed desires in a letter I had given him and actually did those things as if he were wanting to show me he could be that man for me, which was even more misleading.  What was the point of doing everything I wanted in the relationship if you have no intention of continuing the relationship?  First time shame on him, but no excuses moving forward. It is time for me to set clear boundaries for myself and others, even when it is hard.

Looking back at the situation I have to be very honest, I wanted that time with him and he wanted it to and neither one of us really wanted to state a boundary because it meant giving up things we both still desired in the relationship.  This is common after a break-up or divorce because there is a sense of comfort in being with that familiar person, but it only leads to more confusion, frustration and heartache.  If it continues it can lead to a lot of resentment as well.  I had to make the hard decision to just walk away and not contact him again.  I love him and feel he brought many good things into my life, but I cannot and will not give all the benefits of me as his lady without him claiming me as his lady and himself as my man.  What we were doing was not just friendship and to call it that was unfair of him.  With setting this boundary it opened my eyes to other areas where I have not been clear and respected my desires for the kind of woman I want to be and the life I want to live.  I began to take inventory of how I treat myself and the relationships I have in my life.  Are the choices I am making a healthy reflection of the type of person I want to be?  The honest answer is, not always.

I have decided to set some harder boundaries in my life because I feel there are certain things that do not reflect the kind of person I want to be.  I have decided to go the month of November without any alcohol and if I notice a big change in how I feel I may decide to exclude alcohol from my life permanently.  I have never been a heavy drinker anyway and often, after an evening out with friends, I feel sick, tired and a bit depressed the next day.  I don’t smoke, do any drugs or even take any medications.  Ideally, I would love to be free of any toxins in my body and I think alcohol and sugar would be a good place to start.  I have also allowed myself in the past to engage in friendships with people who are not the best influence or not encouraging me to live in a way that I want to live.  We all want to believe that we are grown-up enough not to let others affect who we are but if we hang out with people whose morals, values and character do not match up with our own, over time that mentality can start to seep in and affect our views and choices.  So I realize that it may be necessary to spend less time with certain people and maybe even remove some altogether.  When setting goals you must consider what boundaries you are going to set in order to help you have clear guidelines when it comes to navigating the path to those goals.  If that means spending less time with your friends who like to drink and party in order to get healthy then that is what you need to do.  If that means setting higher standards for yourself with dating then be clear on what you expect and clear to others and don’t compromise on those boundaries.  Once you start setting boundaries and respecting yourself you will naturally attract others who will do the same.

With love, health, & happiness,

Stacy

Seeds That Grow Our Future

I started my life on a small farm in Southeast Missouri.  As a kid I grew up fishing for catfish in the pond on our farm, picking blueberries, peaches, and pears right off the tree.  I spend many hours sitting on a milk crate pulling weeds from the peppers, tomato and strawberry plants and chasing all the farm cats around the barn.  Even though I didn’t realize it at the time, I had a blessed life on a back dirt road with a creek to swim in with the neighbor kids and nights spent catching fire flies.  My mother used cloth diapers she washed and hung from the clothes line in our back yard, I had a grandmother who actually chewed snuff and spit it in an old coffee can and bottle milk was still delivered to our door step when I was just a baby.  I drank well water that was produced by a spring fed creek near our home and didn’t have a soda until I was 10 years old.  I played sports and rode my bike and my brother and I would have wars with sling shots using black walnuts and acorns as ammo!

My mother taught me about how to grow herbs and all their uses, about home remedies and essential oils. My primary care physician was a chiropractor that I would babysit for and when his kids grew up I then transitioned into the chiropractic office as a file clerk and learned to take SOAP notes working after school each evening.  Little did I know these seeds planted in me as a young kid and teenager would follow me into my life and career goals as an adult.

After getting married, moving to Texas and having a baby, I returned to Missouri.  I ended up being hired on at a very busy and successful chiropractic office in my new Missouri town and I worked there for 15 years learning every aspect of the practice.  I could do the billing and coding, the therapies, x-rays, scheduling, collections and I learned about natural health and wellness.  I studied the muscles and bones of the body, vitamins, supplements, hormones and the science of diet and exercise and the holistic benefits of essential oils, massage, meditation, yoga and of course chiropractic and physical therapy.  My interest in the mind and body connection began to grown around the time I went through a hard break-up and some health issues all at once.  I was in my early thirties and ready for a change.  Even with all the healthy physical changes I was making in my life I was still struggling and I realized how important our mind can be in the process.

With the support of my boss I went back to school while working for him.  He allowed me to work on my projects and pick his brain on thoughts and ideas.  I knew I wanted a degree in psychology but not just a mental health counseling job, I wanted something outside the box that would incorporate everything I know and love.  I left the chiropractic office after 15 years and went to work for a private practice counseling center while completing my masters degree so I could learn the office management aspects of insurance and billing for counseling providers and to get my supervised hours.  The connections I made with the chiropractor and massage therapist have been great and I have a vision to work with them again when I complete my degree.  I want a holistic practice that incorporates mind and body care.  We will create a space for guided meditative yoga, massage, coaching and therapy for individuals and groups.  Individuals can be counseled on every aspect of their lives and learn mental and physical ways to manage stress and live their best life.

This vision is in the works and something I have been meditating on and working towards my whole life.  I think about my childhood and pieces from my past, how it all adds together in a path that has lead me to this point in my life.  I am excited about what I have learned, who I have become and what the future holds.  The wealth of knowledge I have gained in my life is something I want to share with others.  My degree is not quite complete and I still have a lot to learn (don’t we all) but on this day I am feeling blessed as I look at how far I have come.  Those seeds planted along the way have made me who I am today.

With love, health, happiness and blessings

Stacy

Know Thyself

Through my twenties I was just a leaf in the wind of life, my thoughts and desires and curiosity floated from one thing to another.  I finished my first two years of college with an Associates degree, then I got married, moved to another state, had a baby and worked a few different jobs trying to decide where I really fit in and ultimately moved back to my home state, got a divorce at 28 and met a new guy a year later, but that ended by the time I was 34.  Many lessons were learned in my late twenties and early thirties, lessons that were humbling and forced me to take a deeper look at myself.  I wasn’t happy, I was just following a pattern of thought and I am not even sure where it came from.  Social norms that made me believe getting married and having a family should come first, then college and career or any other desires I had should come later, if time allows. All I know is after a failed marriage and a bad break-up, I was tired and unhappy with who I had become.  I was focused on trying to get a life I wasn’t even sure I really wanted and I knew I needed to re-evaluate my situation.

The next 5 years I started a quest for change, I bought my own home, bought a nicer car, started a second job and went back to school.  I completed my bachelor degree (and soon will be starting my masters).  I also focused on what I really wanted out of a relationship and started dating a really great guy who is on the same page with me.  I am now entering into a new decade of my life and taking another look at myself.  I ask myself, based on my past experiences, my current circumstances and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for me to do?  Every decision I make I run through this process, but first I must be clear on what my future hopes and dreams are.  I know within five years I will own my own private therapy practice; so completing my degree and supervised hours are the priority at this point. However,  I understand I should have other goals as well.  So what is really important to me beside my career? My relationships, investing in fixing up my home, paying off debt, taking better care of myself by eating healthier and exercising more, and saving money to start my practice and for retirement and travel as much as I can.

I want to be debt free, get my house completed and paid off, eat healthier and exercise more regularly to lose a little weight, and work for myself all before I turn 50.  Now that I know what my hopes and dreams are I must create a game plan on how to make all of this happen.  I already signed up for my classes for Fall so career goals are in process, I already have an automatic draft for a retirement fund set up, I have been paying my bills on time and extra when I can afford it, I have a gym membership I just need to use it more often and I make time for my relationships throughout the week.  So then I ask myself what areas can I be doing better and I know diet and exercise and paying off my debt are the areas I could be more aggressive.  So how can I address these issues?  I can devote 3 days a week to going to the gym after work and I can create a payoff plan for my debt and maybe cut out some unnecessary expenses.  This process of re-evaluating is something I think every person should do on a regular basis, especially when you start to feel stagnant.

I like to take inventory of how I am doing and how I have changed over time.  As we age we get to know ourselves better and understand what we want, what we like and what we are willing to do or not do.  We should be able to set boundaries better and say no, and prioritize things easier.  If you are not, ask yourself why and what you can do about it.  Know what helps you with stress, know yourself well enough to know when you are getting too stressed, pay attention to things that cause you stress and consider how to make those things less stressful.  We all have our own unique past, present and hopes for the future, so don’t follow the path of someone else, don’t compare yourself, just focus on getting to know yourself and everything will fall into place.

With love, health, happiness and love of thyself

Stacy

 

Are You A Goal-Getter?

When I think about my goals I can easily list off 5 or 6 that I am currently working on in my own life.  So, needless to say, I was surprised when I realized that some people just float through life without ever setting any goals.  A goal is different from a dream, you can dream of doing big things in life and still not be a goal oriented person.  The difference between a goal and a dream is the action behind the goal.  I remember being more of a dreamer when I was younger and made excuses for not taking action because I had a fear of failure.  Well, I have news for you, if you never take action, that fear never goes away. You just spend the rest of your life letting that fear own you.  I think most would agree, to try and fail is better than to never have tried at all.

So when I think about the many self-improvement and motivational books, articles, and speakers who have shared great knowledge of how to tackle and achieve goals there are a few bits that really stood out for me.  First of all, I think a lot of people are more dreamers than doers when they are young, and for the same reason I was, fear.  This fear is not just from a fear of failure though, the simple fact is, we don’t fully know and understand who we are yet.  In more than one of the many books and articles I have studied it states, most people really do not come to a deeper understanding and comfort in their own skin until about the age of 40.  I just turned 41 in December of last year and I would have to say I agree with this theory.

When we are young we go through different relationships and experiences, we change our majors multiple times or maybe completely drop out of college, and the whole time we are deciding what we like and don’t like.  The more we learn, the more we understand what dreams are worthy of making into goals.  Many of us make the mistake of starting out living other peoples dreams for us, we rush into marriage and having babies before asking ourselves if this is really something we are ready for, or we go to college to be a doctor or lawyer because that is what our parents want for us.  Maybe you just graduate and take over the family business or go work at the local factory because that is what the generations before you did.  Living out other peoples dreams becomes automatic and we sometimes forget we have a choice in the matter.  I think this happened a lot more with those of us who lived before cell phones and social media because we were not fully aware of all of our options.  We were environmentally conditioned to think and be a certain way and if we did think outside the box we were often made to feel bad about it.  Now, it is a whole different ballgame!

My daughter just turned 18 this year and she is aware, overwhelmingly aware, of all of her options.  The sky is the limit and she can go anywhere and be anything; and if she wants to learn more about a certain place, person or thing she can research it to exhaustion and decide if it is worth her time or not.  Because let’s face it, when working towards a goal, time is of the essence.  Prioritizing your time when going to school, working full time, and trying to make times for loved ones, exercise, and working on personal goals means that every minute counts.  I have done my best to encourage my daughter to weigh her options and explore different paths and do not allow herself to get locked in to anyone else’s way of thinking.  I think this can happen a lot with new high school graduates.  They decide to go to the same college together with friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend, or some go straight into a job to earn money and those who don’t get the immediate job get tempted by the factory job because their friend has a car and spending money on the weekends.  I see this thought process with a lot of kids in the small town where I grew up and currently in the town where my daughter is graduating.  Do not allow yourself to get sucked in to the right now and end up stuck in a job you hate or a town you never intended to stay in.  There is a whole world out there waiting for you to explore!

Understanding yourself should be your primary goal because once you learn yourself it opens the door to all other goals and opportunities.  Do not float through life on auto-pilot living a life that does not bring you joy and fulfillment.  Ask yourself what dreams you have that you can put action behind and make a plan to do it.  Even if its just to get in better shape and you go for a 30 minute walk, three times a week after dinner then that went from a dream to a goal because you are now doing something about it.  If you want to be a writer, I have always heard to be a good writer you have to read as much as you write, so if you want to be a good writer you need to be reading and/or writing something every. single. day.  Decide what you like and don’t like and do not let another person’s opinions shape that decision.  Being a goal-getter is a bit of a selfish process and that is okay.  Once you start making time for those goals your life will begin to change for the better and those who support you and the life you love will stay and those who don’t will fade away.  Goals are life changing and necessary for growth.  If you are feeling stuck, unhappy or even down-right depressed then it is time to ask yourself what goals are you working toward right now?  A life without goals is not living, it is simply just existing.

With love, health, happiness and a whole list of goals,

Stacy

Small Wins

When I was younger I would set big goals for myself and think about the process it would take to accomplish that goal and feel a bit overwhelmed.  As I became older and wiser I realized it is always best to set a goal and then set smaller ones that lead to accomplishing it.  The small wins in life are what really add up to big success.  I find this to be true in every aspect of my life.

I have recently tackled a project of cleaning up client accounts at my new job and it has been a bit time consuming and tedious.  At the end of the day I feel mentally exhausted, which I believe can feel worse than being physically exhausted.  I thought this project would allow me to reconcile approximately 30 accounts a day, at the least but I realize I grossly over-estimated my ability to balance other daily office tasks while tackling this project.  So I had to adjust my timeline and set my bar a little lower, which is hard for me sometimes.  I feel like I have failed in some way when I can’t accomplish everything I originally set out to do.  This mentality is something I think many of us struggle with and I had to take a step back and ask….if I am still making steps towards completing the goal is it really a fail?  No, it is not!

Just because we may not be where we want to be in life as quickly as we originally expected doesn’t mean we are a failure.  I look at my life and if I judged by that yard stick I would be a very depressed individual.  Instead, I have decided to look at the small wins in life.  I did not go back to college to finish my degree until my late thirties.  I did not find my wonderful relationship and love of my life until my late thirties either.  Up until that point I was learning many lessons the hard way and my success was very slow moving.  I knew I wanted more but I felt it was impossible to accomplish everything I wanted to do in life because I felt so far behind the curve.  Most people by their late thirties are well establish in career and have a good relationship, kids, house and the American dream going (at least that is what I told myself).

I went back to college and worked hard while working full time and raising my daughter.  I bought a home in that time and have steadily been remodeling it over the last 6 years, and recently made a career change that has complimented my education putting me on a faster track to my big goal.  Through the whole process I just focused on each little win.  Whenever I would look years ahead and think about all I had to do I would get anxious and feel over-whelmed.  I just kept telling myself, I have to make it through this semester of college, keep paying my bills, and keep my relationships strong, nothing else matters.  Keeping my priorities straight has been an important key but each day I make a list of what I need to do, things I want to accomplish and as I check them off I know I am still making those small wins that count towards the bigger goal.

Some days I may not feel good, I may just not want to exercise or I may choose the cheeseburger over the salad, some days I may not complete more than 5 accounts on my work project, some days I may just have time to send an I love you text to my friends, family or significant other….but every little positive effort counts no matter how small.  So when you feel like maybe you are failing at life because you haven’t accomplished BIG things…slow your roll and think about the small wins of the day and know that its the little things that really matter.

With love, health, happiness….and the small wins of life,

Stacy

Give and Take

Does saying no make you selfish?  If your partner asks something of you and your immediate response is no, does that make you a bad partner?  Often I see relationships where one individual feels it is necessary to put the other persons needs before their own and in some cases I think this is the true meaning of unselfish love.  However, I have also seen individuals who do it to the detriment of their own well-being.  If you communicate that you are tired, overworked, stressed out and need a break and your partner continues to ask for help, you hit a crossroads.  How do you solve this dilemma of wanting to help your partner and realizing that you are just spread too thin already?

The truth is, being a people pleaser can cause more harm than good.  Saying yes to everything out of fear of causing conflict or the other person being upset with you is a mistake.  To keep saying yes and going through the motions of doing can cause resentment to build.  Saying yes to something you really do not want to do does not do yourself or the other person any favors.  The fact is, disagreements occur in every relationship and happy couples do tell each other no from time to time.  Learning to deal with negative emotions effectively will actually make your relationships stronger.  Avoidance only makes the problem worse.

Ask yourself what you stand for.  Is saying no to a request mean you are making time for something that is important to you or are you just being selfish?  Only you can answer that question, but please be honest with yourself.  If you are saying no to a request because you are making time for family, work, school or other important priorities and commitments in your life, then I think you can stand strong in your reasons behind the no.  When dealing with a significant other I think it is good to explain why you cannot help.  If your partner is supportive of you having a good career, going back to school or other commitments, they should be understanding.

In the end, balance is key.  If you over-commit you can end up doing a lot of things for people but only in a half-assed manner.  The goal should be to do your absolute best in all commitments you make.  Communicate and stand strong in the way you feel on the subject.  Your well-being should be a priority as well and if you keep pushing yourself to be there for everyone else you could end up sick and useless to everyone.  It really is okay to just say no.

With love, honesty and respect

Stacy