Mixed Emotions

I have been hesitant to sit down and write for the last week. The level of change that has occurred in two weeks feels like a heavy wet blanket laying over me. Some grief has caught me in moments but I feel as if I am holding my breath, waiting for the full realization to wash over me and I want to be fully alone when it does. In the last 10 days I have experienced a wonderful vacation to Gatlinburg Tennessee that I planned weeks before. I was able to secure my first Airbnb and with my birthday just two days after Christmas, it was going to be the perfect 4 day weekend! A Smoky Mountain Christmas! Just 5 days before me and my new love were to leave on our trip I was notified that my last long term boyfriend of 4 years had died.

I was driving down the road when I read the news through a text message from a friend who was probably too scared and emotional to call me in person. He was only 54, and had just had a birthday in November. He worked out regularly and by all appearances look to be a very healthy guy. I was shocked and heart broken. We had broke up at the end of 2019 and finalized things with a trip to Gatlinburg of all places, in October of 2019. It was a friendly and mature breakup by most standards but the truth is, I was heart broken. I loved him and really struggled with the break-up. Over the next year life was full of struggle for me. I was completing my masters degree and trying to date as I watched him show up pretty quickly with someone new on his arm.

Let’s just say 2020 was not good. Between the pandemic, multiple failed attempts at moving on and dating someone new, and struggling through work and school… I was exhausted and just trying to heal. In 2021 all the change I had prayed so hard for in 2020 came in like a wrecking ball! I graduated with my masters degree, met a great guy from my home town, got a new job, moved back to my home town, sold my house, and watched my daughter get engaged. All the changes happened so fast but even the stress of it all was good stress with many positive outcomes. I was finally at a point in my life where I was not thinking about him on a regular basis and I had fully began to embrace the new life I was making when the news came.

Nobody prepares you for a loss like this. First of all, I know you may find this amazing, but at 43 years old I had managed to live my life without losing anyone really close to me. I mean, I have heard about school friends passing but they were not super close to me at the time of their death. This was someone I had shared pretty much a daily connection with for four years and we had only been apart for 2 years. I felt like I was losing him all over again. I also felt this weird sense of guilt because I have a wonderful new man in my life but here I am grieving and looking through all the memories of this man from my past. The mix of emotions is overwhelming and so hard to explain to someone who has not experienced it. The grief comes when I allow it but I have not fully allowed it yet. The services will be next week and I am trying to prepare myself for what I know will come.

It was bitter sweet and so very ironic to be vacationing in the last place I vacationed with him. It wasn’t planned that way but it felt almost like a tribute in my heart to say, yes I remember, even though it didn’t work out we had many good times. All the traveling we did together was amazing and he taught me a lot, in some ways about how I wanted to be and in others how I did not want to be. He wasn’t perfect but I think I am realizing that he loved me the best way he knew how. It feels ironic that he died from complications in his heart. It was easy to see in the four years that we had together, he was not always good at expressing deeper and more loving emotions. The heart chakra was definitely a bit wounded and blocked for him and I tried hard to figure out why with only bits and pieces revealed by him about his childhood.

After celebrating Christmas overlooking the Smoky Mountain tops and turning the big 44 sitting at a rooftop bar overlooking downtown Gatlinburg, I realize what an amazing adventure life can be. Every single person who touches our lives makes an impact and some even steal a piece of your heart forever. So today I am thankful…thankful for all of you who read my words, all who have touched my life, no matter how big or small. Thank you for making my life amazing and please remember to tell those you care about that you love them often. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and I love you all!

With love, health, and happiness

Stacy

Fresh Start

Often people think having a fresh start means making drastic changes like quitting a job or moving to a new town. In the choice to move or quit they see an easy way to escape their problems. Unfortunately, those problems often follow, and in time they pop back up, sometimes even worse than before. Truly accomplishing a fresh start means tackling the problems head on and then, if needed to heal, a move may be necessary. The key is actually taking action towards the problem first, instead of running away from it, sweeping it under the rug, or just hoping it all goes away if you get far enough away from it.

I made some big moves this year and I had to be honest with myself recently with some of the choices I have made. I started a new relationship, took a new job, sold my house and returned to my very small home town that I left over 20 years ago. To say it has taken some adjusting to the change is an understatement. There are pros and cons to every decision we make in life and it is wise to assess those very carefully beforehand. My choice to move and start a new job did feel like a choice to make a fresh start but in that choice I also had to mentally and emotionally make peace with my choice. If you are not making peace with the past and accepting where you are in the present moment, then you will most likely be dragging a lot of the same issues with you to the future. No matter what big changes you make in an attempt to get that fresh start, it is most important to mentally prepare.

I have been on many little trips over the years and often found myself having conversations about how I would love to find a little place near water and live the simple life. I often dreamed of this when I would stay at a nice cabin for the weekend in places like Gatlinburg Tennessee or a cottage near the beach in Panama City Beach Florida or San Diego California. I even imagined what it would be like to have a small apartment in Manhattan New York when I visited. I knew I wanted a change and always thought it would be someplace new and very different from any place I had lived before. I found myself continually looking at little cabins or farmhouses the most and the dream begin to unfold more over the years. I knew I enjoyed more of the freshwater access with kayaking, fishing, swimming, and areas to hike. For some reason I never seriously considered returning to my hometown until this year.

It was the logical choice, to be closer to my parents as they are now in their late seventies. My brother is far away in the big land of Texas and still raising small children, my daughter is living on her own, in college, and engaged to be married. So I was in a better position to move closer and be around to care for my parents when the time comes. My small town also has a beautiful river that runs right through the middle of it, with ample access to boating, floating, fishing, canoeing, kayaking, hiking, and camping. I had roots here and all the things I traveled and dreamed of along with a job opening in the local Family Clinic where I could give back to the small community I grew up in. The decision to move to the actual process of making it all happen has taken less than 6 months and as of the first of the year everything will be complete. I will have moved, sold my house, and be a licensed therapist in the small clinic of the town I could not wait to leave more than 20 years ago!

This is my fresh start, where I will probably retire and live out the rest of my days. I will still travel and dream of other places but this is home for me, at least as long as my parents are still here. My fresh start is literally where it all initially started for me, kind of ironic. I have made peace with the longer drive to the grocery store and missing other conveniences of living in a bigger town. I think it was well worth the trade off to live out in the country with no neighbors visible from my porch. Where I can start a hike right from own driveway. Drive 15 minutes and drop my kayak in the water. Pay attention to where your mind takes you when you are dreaming of the future, life has a way of bringing things full circle. It is possible your fresh start has been right in front of you all along.

With love, health, and happiness

Stacy

To Know is To Love

When we think about sharing our lives with another person we must consider what we know about love as an individual. Think about the love you have with parents, grandparents, siblings and your siblings families, even the love you have shared with exes and maybe your own children. Then think about the love you know and share with your friends, coworkers, even your pets. Finally, think about the love you give to yourself. To truly have a strong and loving relationship with a significant other you must know what love is for you and be able to communicate it to the other person. Feeling and showing love is not the same for everyone, that is why there are books like, The Five Love Languages.

When you begin to truly know what you value and start dating, then you can be more aware of what you need to learn about the other person as well. What you find important in a relationship in order to feel love, respected and supported may not be obvious to someone else. I have friends who have learned that punctuality is important to me and I am also a bit of a planner. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. So discussing plans to get away for the weekend for some quality time with someone I love is super exciting for me. I have a very outgoing and humorous personality but I don’t necessarily like a man who is that way. I find myself often attracted to men who do have a great sense of humor but are more quiet and reserved types, at least out socially. The strong and serious, all business and authoritative mans man is what I find myself often attracted to. I find it special and sexy when a man has a certain side of himself that he only shares with me. I have certain things I reserve for only those most special to me as well.

As I have moved through life and become older and wiser, I often see my friends going through relationship issues or settling for a partner that isn’t quite what they want but “close enough”. I understand there may be certain compromises and exceptions made because nobody is perfect, but make sure you are being honest with yourself. Often we find ourselves making exceptions to things that we may only find slightly bothersome or annoying in the beginning stages when love is new, exciting and fun, only to realize once the new wears off, that little thing gets bigger. If you are truly accepting of someone who never makes plans until last minute or is consistently late or whatever the “thing” is, then understand…this will NEVER change so you cannot get pissed about it later. Part of dating is not just getting to know the other person, it is also letting others know who you are and in order to do that you have to know yourself and be honest.

We all know we cannot change people and we also need to admit, allowing love to grow with someone you want to change is not fair. Someone who is always late is not really an awful person who doesn’t deserve love. There are people out there that do not find constant lateness a deal breaker. It also does not mean that person disrespects everyone else in the world, maybe they are selfish assholes, or maybe they just struggle and truly want to do better. No matter which category they fall in, it is not your job to fix it. I have struggled in dating because I may encounter a guy that has many qualities I love but I realize there are things about him that really bother me. I try to rationalize and make excuses at first because he seems to fit so many aspects of what I love, but this is where we get ourselves into trouble. We must remember, the very beginning stages of dating is when we are supposed to be putting our best foot forward, so if this person is already doing things that raise flags then you have to know when to walk away.

To know yourself and what you find important in a relationship is the most important part of dating. Do not waiver or make exceptions unless you truly feel the compromise is worth it for the long haul. If you find it annoying that your new guy never puts his clothes in the hamper or dishes in the sink but he is fantastic at telling you how much he appreciates and loves you and he plans special dates with you, then maybe you can see yourself making the compromise. Only you know but you must be honest with yourself. Communication is key also, never sweep things under the rug, address the things that bug you in the beginning and give the other person a chance to think about it and take action to do better, if they continue then you will know this is something you will either have to accept or walk away from. You do not want to continue having the same conversation over and over about the same issues because those will turn to arguments and then resentment and it just never ends well. Either accept them and drop it or move on. You have to know yourself and as you get to know them, then you can decide if knowing them is really to love them.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

Don’t Let Your Past Dictate Your Future

We all have a past and we all have had crappy things happen in our childhood that have imprinted on us to some degree.  We have all had struggles in relationships with friends, family and especially romantically to some degree.  We have all had sad moments in life from losing a job, a loved one, or a relationship to divorce or break-up.  No matter how tragic or extreme the lows and highs have been in your life there is a time when you have to take inventory and ask how you plan to move forward.  Acknowledge and feel those emotions attached to past events, give yourself time to sit with them but don’t wallow in it and keep asking why me?  There is healthy time for healing and then there is time to ask if you really want this to define you moving forward.

I have a close friend who had a bad childhood.  His father was a drunk who would go on tirades throwing things and yelling and would hit him and his mother when he was growing up.  He would be embarrassed when his father would show up to school events drunk and sometimes even had wet his pants.  He was later bullied in school for being the son of the town drunk.  He did go on to college and ended up becoming successful.  He had the nice home and cars, a place on the lake and a beautiful family but in time his workaholic ways caused his marriage to dissolve and they ended up in a divorce.  Depression took over when his children left for college and started their own journey.  Contact with kids was few and far between and he was living alone for the first time in years.  When he did finally start to date again he was stressed with work and the financial toll the divorce  and paying for two kids in college had taken on him. So he let out his frustrations in the new relationship.  When things got bad he would frequently refer back to not just the current stress in his life but the past abuse and negative experiences growing up in his home and the bullying in school.  It was obvious that all the negativity was consuming him and adding to his depressive state.

So how do you pull away from this thought pattern?  Depression, anxiety, worry, stress…these feelings can follow us around like a dark cloud and be hard to shake.  It takes small steps to slowly pull yourself out of the darkness of this thinking pattern.  Sometimes it may even take the help of medication while going through counseling to address old hurt, anger, insecurities and other negative feelings.  However, if you find that you are not completely consumed then maybe you have just found it easy to blame the past when you succumb to bad behavior.  Maybe it has become a crutch or an excuse, like a get out of jail free card to be an asshole to those around you?  You say something ugly in the heat of the moment and then apologize later using your difficult past as the reasons why you lash out.  This may work for a while but most people around you will begin to grow weary of this cycle.  Only you truly know the truth, but I encourage you to be really honest with yourself because in the long run you are only hurting yourself.

If you are aware enough to recognize that your past is the reason you lash out each time at what point do you start doing something about it?  Saying your sorry means you understand something is wrong and you plan to change the behavior.  If you continue to apologize but the behavior never changes, well then are you even really sorry?  Take responsibility for your words and actions towards those around you and take an active role in making the hard but necessary change to be better.  There are people in this world who use their past struggles to learn and grow and do better as they move through life and build a better future.  Then there are those who continue to use their struggles as an excuse to be angry, selfish, and ugly in life.  Be honest with yourself and address these negative patterns.  Each day is a new day and a new beginning.  Don’t let your past dictate your future.

The first step in addressing the negativity is to stop focusing on it.  Change your perspective and you can change your life.  Find things in your life that you are thankful for, count your blessings before you go to bed each night and again when you wake.  Meditate and let your mind retrain itself to let go and be still to stop the cycle of constant worry.  Stop referring back to your past when you do wrong in the present.  Take time to pat yourself on the back by taking pride in how far you have come and all you have accomplished.  Take time in your day to relax and do something that brings you joy.  Start complimenting and finding things you appreciate in those around you.  Look for the positive first instead of the negative in every situation and person you encounter.  All of these things may seem simple but when practiced daily they can change your entire life.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

Balancing Act

Well 2020 has started off like the Kentucky Derby running full speed ahead and whipping my arse all the way! I have been juggling work, school, time with family and friends, trying to stay healthy and the very beginnings of a new relationship that was completely not in my plans.  It happens when you least expect it is what I have always heard and he definitely was not!  Trying to balance everything and still make time for myself has been a bit of a struggle.  It is impossible to give one hundred percent to every aspect of your life so that means that when trying to focus on one area there is bound to be at least one other area that starts to falter.

I have previously posted about tools like the Wellness Wheel that can help us check in and see how we are doing in all the areas of life but the truth is, most of us already know where we are struggling.  I often feel like I am in a game of Jenga, steadily pulling time and effort from one area and stacking on another and any minute it is all going to come tumbling down on me.   This balancing act can be a bit stressful at times and that is why it is so important to stop and be present.  It is easy to get caught up in the crazy flow of everything life and not stop to smell the roses.  However, I have found when I do take time to slow it all down is when I realize it is all going to be okay.

I have wrote about acceptance before but more from a perspective of accepting others not situations.  There are going to be points in life where we just have to accept the fact that we are not going to have the time to do and be the best at everything.  As long as you are trying your best that is good enough.  Don’t be afraid to ask yourself if some of the things you are trying to add into your day are even worth it.  If you are making time for things that really don’t add to your joy in some way can you just cut them out?  Now I know that some of you will say you would like to cut out cleaning your home or doing laundry but doing those things actually do add to your joy in the end game.

It is good to re-evaluate your schedules, habits, and routines on a regular basis and ask yourself what can be done better and what can be done away with.  I am constantly re-assessing how to make my life more productive and balance everything I want in life.  If you are trying to balance so many things that you love you may end up not loving any of it.  Do not overwhelm yourself with trying to be everything to everyone.  Make sure you are focused on things that are truly a priority to you.  Also, it is good to remember, goals can change because we as people are constantly changing.  Maybe the passion you felt in one area isn’t really who you are or who you want to be anymore.  Big changes may be necessary in order to create a more positive balance.  Moving closer to work, changing jobs, going back to school, deciding to have a baby, or even considering working less and traveling more are all big things to consider in life.

Don’t hold back because you are comfortable where you are, push yourself to change and grow.  With change and growth you may find that more positive balance you were longing for. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a rut and feeling like we have stay somewhere in life out of obligation and I am here to tell you that is not true and there are always options.  Those options may be hard to navigate but often, at the end of the day, they are so worth it.  So here is to big changes in life and goals in order to find that healthy balance we all desire!

With love, health, happiness & balance..

Stacy

Sometimes Growth Is Lonely

I am going through a major shift in my life where I have been spending a lot of time alone.  Through books, research, pod casts, YouTube, TedTalks, meditation, and many other methods of learning I am growing both personally and professionally at a rapid rate.  I have also noticed in my spiritual growth that many tests or possible obstacles have popped up recently.  These can be in forms of people inviting me to be distracted by going out to bars for drinks, flirtations from men, and even the distraction of social media.  I have realized that it is so important to take inventory every once in a while on how I am choosing to spend my time and ask myself if I am spending it wisely.  Am I choosing to partake in conversations and activities that are adding to my life?  Am I spending time with people who encourage me in my personal and professional growth?  It is so hard to move beyond because often the real test in the growth process in the loneliness that comes with the change.

As I have begun my masters program I have found my life going through many big changes.  I went through a break-up which has put me in a place of total re-evaluation of my life and what I want for my future.  Also, a mental health counseling program will totally make you re-evaluate how you look at yourself and get to the core of your own morals, values and beliefs.  I am changing so much that I realize I am quickly outgrowing many of the activities and people that I was involved with just a year ago.  This process can be bitter sweet but it is just necessary in order to reach my full potential.  I have my eye on the prize and I understand that sometimes sacrifices have to be made in order to get where I want to be in life.  Sometimes the hard work is not just in the work we put in at a job or school, but the work we put in to our personal selves both spiritually and physically.

I have pushed myself a bit to interact with family and friends through the holidays, yes I said pushed, there is a part of me that still just wants to hide out since the loss of my relationship.  Any communication from him still causes my heart to react and I have just come to the conclusion that my love for him will not be fading anytime soon.  Knowing this is also beneficial because it helps me realize that focusing on a romantic relationship is not where I need to be at this point in my life.  I can go on loving him and healing while focusing on my professional, personal, spiritual, and physical improvements.  I don’t mind being alone, I don’t mind Friday and Saturday nights spent doing yoga classes, meditating at home, reading books and sipping tea instead of out at a bar drinking.  I love waking up Sunday mornings to attend church and not feeling hungover from Saturday night with friends.  I love feeling the soreness in my muscles from a good yoga class and the glow of my skin and hair and the increased energy level and decreased number on the scale as I remove caffeine, sodas, and alcohol from my life and replace with herbal teas, water and more raw foods.

Creating morning and evening routines that work for me and forming more healthy habits has been a slow and steady process for me but I can see the positive effects beginning to show in my life.  We all have set-backs, make mistakes, struggle and even days where we barely make any progress but the goal is to keep going no matter what.  There will be days where it does get lonely and you feel like you have alienated yourself in all this growth and learning but the truth is, sometimes it is lonely at the top.  Stay positive and open to opportunity and the right people will eventually start to flow into your world.  Sometimes it just takes a little time because the changes are happening so fast and you have to allow yourself an adjustment period.  Just have faith and remember you have got to believe it before you can receive it.

With love, health, and happiness,

Stacy

 

New Beginnings

I just arrived home this evening from a trip to the Smoky Mountains where I did a little hiking and saw the beautiful changing Fall leaves.  As always, my adventures find some excitement and we woke this morning to pack up the car only to find the whole front bumper torn off by a bear, yes a bear!  Fortunately, we were able to zip tie it in a few places and after a police report and interesting conversation with the insurance company we were able to drive the car home.  This trip was a gift to my boyfriend last year for Christmas and we broke-up in July, then kind of reconnected and so we decided to take this trip together without any expectations.  We always get along well and have a nice time, but by the end of the trip I knew that we would not be getting back together.  I honestly felt like the bear was karma kicking his ass for how he has acted the passed few months.  His Prius was chewed up like a dog toy and I admit I laughed!  Sometimes you just know it is time to let go and move on.

I have mentioned my practice of meditation, prayer, visualization and law of attraction in a few of my posts.  I do believe with each experience and relationship we are making our desires in life more clear.  Even though my heart was broken in July when all of this started I have progressed through many emotions and feelings about my relationship to finally understand that it is for the best.  By hanging on I am only pushing away the potential for more in my life.  There are so many things I love about him and I know it will take time to move on.  I think knowing this trip was still going to allow us time together made it easier for me to be apart from him.   Now that the trip is over there is nothing left.  No more trips planned together, no more reasons to text or call, no more excuses to hang on to the past.  It is time to fully let go and move on.

It is hard to let go of a relationship when there is no particular incident or argument that instigated the end.  You just realize what you want in life is different from the other person, your paths do not intersect the way you hoped they would.  So it has officially been about 3 months since we broke-up and we have talked and spent time together less and less and I believe I have my full closure at this point.  I believe he would allow it to drag on as long as I would allow it and I just cannot do that anymore.  He probably thinks he will hear from me again, but I have decided I need space away from him and I plan to stick to this decision.  Usually once I make up my mind to do something I succeed.  I will simply pretend he doesn’t exist for a while so that I can let go of the comfort of having him in my world.  I need to create room for myself to grow and maybe, one day, allow a different guy in.  It is time for me to explore new beginnings in my life without anymore hesitation or wonder of what I may be leaving behind.

We often worry, what if I start moving on and then so does he? What if he dates someone else?  How will my heart feel?  Well, I have forced myself to explore those questions and I realize my ex is a very complicated man to be with and to love and I am the longest most loving relationship he says he has ever had.  So I have to remember in my heart at the end of the day, it wasn’t me or anything I said or did that ended the relationship. The next woman won’t be better, and honestly, it will probably play out much like the relationships before me.  If I were to go back it would not be any different for me either, just more mixed signals and hot and cold moods because we all know you cannot change another person. Of course it will sting to see it, but I know that I have made the best decision for myself.  Fall is a time for change and preparation for a new beginning and I am going to follow mother natures example by doing the same.  So here’s to new beginnings and bears named Karma!

With love, happiness & health

Stacy

Fall, A Time For Change

Fall is my favorite time of year and I believe it is for many.  I have always loved Halloween and Thanksgiving as well as the cozy atmosphere that comes with the crisp fall weather.  The bonfires with friends, great foods like a big pot of chili or soup simmering on the stove and taking road trips to see the beautiful changing leaves.  I have my porch decorated with mums and pumpkins and my Halloween pillows placed in my rocking chairs.  I have my candles with the great scents of apple pie, pumpkin spice and cider throughout the house.  I also remind myself that we are winding up another year and October is part of the last ninety days of 2019.  With this in mind I reflect on the process mother nature has started in the final days of the year and I try to follow in her example.

Like the trees shedding their leaves I believe Fall is a time of letting go.  I ask myself what is important for me to accomplish at the end of this year.  It may simply cleaning out closets or as a big as re-evaluating relationships.  Maybe it is time to let go of old dreams that may not suit us anymore and try focusing on new ones.  If you have had struggles in relationships it could be time to face them before the holidays.  The end of a year is just as important as the New Years Resolutions we all consider at the beginning of the year, maybe more so.   Making peace with yourself and others, creating a sense of love and family through the holidays and letting go of any negativity is a great practice at the end of the year.

We all live very busy lives and it is easy to forget what we are doing it all for.  The careers, the homes, the cars, education, the diets and exercise, running our kids to all the special events…It is easy to just get caught on the hamster wheel of life and forget to stop and take it all in.  Take the next few months to really appreciate all the hard work and accomplishment you have achieved throughout the year so far.  Slow down a little and enjoy where you are in this present moment and let go of any negative thoughts or feelings that are not serving you.  Sometimes we realize the goals and dreams we had at the beginning of a year are not the same at the end.  It is okay to change your mind, just like the changing colors of the leaves.

As I complete my mid-terms this week I will be leaving on a little trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee to spend time with the guy in my life.  We went through a break-up earlier this year and I am unsure what the future may hold for us.  As I pack and prepare I am happy and excited and no longer have the need to have all the answers.  I will enjoy this time and completely be in the moment.  I know the universe and God are putting everything in alignment and as long as I am finding the joy in each day I will come together with exactly what I desire. Don’t worry about the past or the future, just allow yourself to let all that worry go and enjoy the process, just like the natural process of the seasons changing.

With love, health, happiness and letting go for positive change,

Stacy

Changing with Love

Sometimes we encounter a difficult time in our relationships that causes both people to re-evaluate themselves, the relationship and life in general.  In these moments you can feel like the world is crashing down around you because nothing seems to be what you thought.  Those moments of chaos can be very emotional, but when things start to come into focus again you can see the chaos was necessary.  It is not always easy to stay logical and positive in the chaos, but if you respond in a strong and respectful way to the process you may find, with a little patience, the love will return.

I knew my relationship had some issues from the beginning, let’s face it, all relationships do.  We all bring our own quirks and expectations to the table and when we are rejected because of those quirks or our expectations are not met, things start to fall apart.  I often write about acceptance, unconditional love, and finding true happiness within yourself.  We all know we cannot change other people, they have to want to make the changes necessary to be a happier, healthier person.  I often hear people say you should not ever want to change a person but at 41-years-old I am here to tell you, everyone should want to change. There is nothing wrong with completely accepting yourself as you are in this moment and at the same time also knowing that there is always room to improve in some areas of your life.  Fully accept that others may point out ways you can change and understand that it is not always an insult, but can be an act of love.

How you communicate with the person you love is the key to creating a safe environment for positive change.  Many couples who marry young understand this most of all.  No individual is the same person at 30 that they were at 20 and no 40 year old is the same person they were at 30.  The more life we live the more likely life experiences occur that can change us to the core.  Getting married, divorced, having children, experiencing loss of a loved one, sickness of a loved one, finishing college, getting a great job, losing a great job, traveling, financial securities and insecurities, health issues, accidents…there are so many factors that create who we are and explain the why.  Learning a persons story is so important to the love process.  So if a person doesn’t open up and share their stories of why, then how can love fully blossom?

A person has to trust you and be ready to share their personal story, because some parts of their story may be really hard.  When we are young, scared, lonely, sad, depressed, insecure, unsure of what we want in life or who we are, we may make bad choices.  This can be a hard thing to admit to a person we love later because we risk rejection and shame with our vulnerability.  The truth is, if you cannot be vulnerable with the people you love most then you are denying yourself the most rewarding type of love in life.  Change sometimes begins with just laying it all out on the table and telling your story, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Accept yourself and remind them that the person standing in front of them that they love so much would not be this person if it were not for all the past experiences.  So if they cannot accept your past then they never loved the real you.

Knowing and accepting are the first steps to a strong relationship with anyone.  To truly know a person and still accept them is the first step in the process of allowance.  Allowance opens the door to deeper love and the opportunity to grow and change for the better.  We all understand that it is one thing to finally find acceptance of yourself but completely another to find total acceptance and love from another human being.  You will find a joy that brings the desire to do and be better because human connection is such an important part of a happy life.  Sometimes it takes time for a person to feel safe enough to allow themselves to let down the walls and tell their story.  They have created a facade of having it all together on the outside with the success, money, clothes, travel and material things, but they are struggling on the inside.  When, or if, they do finally decide to open up they will find why people say money cannot buy happiness.  As cliche as it sounds, we all know true wealth is in the loving relationships we build in life.

You cannot run away every time things get hard, you have to share and communicate, you have support and listen, you have to choose to be in the relationship and actively take part every day, not just coast on autopilot letting the other person carry the weight.  As we change and grow through the stages of life we start to really see the value in finding those people who push a little change in our face.  Those people who challenge us are the ones we should value most.  We may be resistant at first and even feel hurt by the idea that we might need to change in some way, but acceptance does not always mean accepting things exactly as they are.  Sometimes it means accepting that a little change may be necessary in order to truly know love.

With love, health and happiness,

Stacy