I have blogged about acceptance in the past and I strongly feel that acceptance is one of the greatest keys to happiness. I believe that we are all living life and having experiences and through those experiences, (whether we know it or not), we are choosing what we want and don’t want in our lives. With each job you have, each relationship you have, every place you travel….you are figuring out who you are and what you want most in life. Sometimes there are things in our lives that come along that we may want really badly and it scares us because we want it so bad. In this moment we begin to focus more on the fear of what we don’t want instead of keeping the focus on what we do want.
Often in these times of desire we may create positive visualizations and meditate, focusing on the desire, but the belief inside of us is still in conflict, it doesn’t feel achievable for some reason. In these moments you have to walk away from the focus because your just not ready to believe it yet. Maybe you feel it’s too good to be true because of past experiences. Maybe you are over-analyzing because you just can’t see how it can be done. Or maybe someone says or does something that just puts doubt in your mind. Whatever it is that is blocking you from believing that it is already done has to be ignored and you have to find a way to just get yourself back in the mindset of knowing.
In this time I like to refer myself back to areas of my life where I have strong faith and create that sense of gratitude within my soul. People who love and support you, a home, your car, running water, air conditioning, clothes & shoes, food, a job, your pets, coffee…whatever you can think of spend the day being thankful for all of it. Don’t let your mind wander back to the doubt, worry, and frustration of what you want but can’t seem to get. You must chill-out and let it be. Sometimes it helps to have a real life example so here is my situation.
Currently my relationship is in a weird place because my boyfriend of four years and I have broke-up. There is this strong love between us and nothing awful really happened to end the relationship so something just feels off within me. I have this longing for more of a connection & passion in the relationship and he has great fear of fully letting down his walls and letting someone in and so this challenge has lead to our separation. Space and time is needed to re-evaluate the relationship and strong feelings from all directions are whirling within me and I am sure within him as well. It is easy to create stories of doubt, worry, and betrayal when you suddenly stop contact and just allow yourself to be without another person. On the other hand you feel something deeper within your soul that just connected you to this other being for years. There are two ends of the spectrum and you have to accept the possibility of both outcomes. The space will either create a greater desire and a longing that was not realized before or the space will make it clear that it is time to let go and move on.
Put your desire out into the universe through prayers and meditation and then chill-out and let it be. Don’t try to control the situation or force it. The desire has been put into your heart and God knows where you stand. Yes, this is easier said than done but remain positive and understand that what is best for both hearts involved will happen. Rest in peace knowing and have faith in the fact that whatever is in your best interest will naturally flow to you without you taking action. If you truly love them sometimes you have to be willing to let them go, sometimes they return and sometimes they don’t. Being happy within yourself is the key to really being able to do this. Your happiness and self worth does not lie within the other person. If they don’t choose to be with you it doesn’t really have anything to do with you, even if they say it does. Being with another person in a long term, committed relationship is a choice that is made by both people every day. Its not a spark, or some unspoken magic that is created. It may feel like a spark and strong magical desire in the beginning but we all know at the end of the day its about choices. I want someone who wakes up each day and continues to choose me.
If you are struggling with wanting something in your heart and the desire is so big that worry and doubt begin to creep in you have to back off from it. I find that distracting myself with exercise, meditation, going out with friends, or hobbies are great ways to avoid the downward spiral. Just be careful talking to some friends and getting into a conversation that over-analyzes a situation. The book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus speaks strongly to this difference in men and women in this aspect. Men turn within themselves, go into a cave in a sense when they need space to think about heavy subjects. Women like to talk it out and sometimes we tend to talk it to death. As I always say, balance is key; talk to your supportive people to get some relief and perspective on the situation and then allow yourself to chill out and let it be.
Patience and time are important but maintaining that sense of complete faith and positive vibes are equally important. So if thinking about that particular situation does not bring joy in the moment, allow yourself to let it go and focus on something that does. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, actually quite the opposite. It means you trust that the best will happen without you interfering in the process. Complete acceptance.
With love, happiness, health and acceptance,